Herrs: God Of Love
by snakebit1995
Summary: Herrs is the God of Love, no matter what anyone says he was definitely not cast out from the God Pantheon for being a pervert, no matter what any one says he is not a useless archer and no matter what anyone says he does not have an unhealthy obsession with his sister Eris. Those things are totally false don't believe them, especially if a certain Water Goddess says they're true.
1. Chapter 1

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Decided to take a spin at a KONOSUBA Fanfic, enjoy!**

* * *

 **NO POV**

The guild in Axel was fairly quiet but there Kazuma and Aqua had placed their flyer looking for party members.

"Hmm…" a man walked up to it.

He was average in height, the man was wearing a blue and gold tunic paired with white pants, covering his shoulders and back was a blue cloak, the hood was up and covered his face with a dark shadow, the only part of his face that was visible was his mouth and chin like along with a pair of rose red eyes. His hair was a long bone white ponytail that was draped over his right shoulder and peaked out of the hood, strapped to his back was a large bow, but now quiver was present.

"This is a pathetic attempt at writing…" His eyes were draw to a poorly drawn version of the people asking for party members "This is…Aqua."

An evil toothy grin crosses his face "Now what are you doing here?"

The man looked over her shoulder and saw two people, a boy with brown hair in a track suit and a girl with light blue hair in a dark blue dress.

"HMPH!" he slammed the flyer down before them "Now what's all this? "If you're looking for party members, I'll join you as an Arcane Archer."

"Wow, a strong one showed up." The boy said "Kazuma."

"Hello." The man smiled shaking his hand and reaching for the woman "And you."

"Don't play dumb with me." The girl slapped his hand away "What are you doing lurking here Herrs, I figured you died by now still haven't learned your lesson?"

"Still sending foolish humans to this world." The former god smirked back.

"You know this guy?" Kazuma asked.

"Herrs." She pointed at the man with the lazy smile and leering eyes "He's a former God, he fell from the Pantheon after-."

"Now, now no reason to share those details Aqua~." The archer covered her mouth "That stuff happened like 600 years ago."

"MHPH!" Aqua flailed around before being let go.

"Besides…I wouldn't even be stuck here if it wasn't for you!" he snapped before "How did you even end up here."

"That's not important." Aqua looked away.

"She's my item." Kazuma nodded.

"BAHAHA!" Herrs laughed "That's even worse than what happened to me! What an idiot!"

"Shut up!" Aqua cried.

"Hmph." The other God suddenly crouched down and looked up her dress "Still letting it all hang out huh?"

"You pervert!" she kicked his face "No wonder you can't get back into the god realm you can't stop being a creep!"

"Who exactly is this guy?" Kazuma blinked.

"God of love and light." The archer bowed "Herrs at your service."

"Former." Aqua snickered "Fell from grace after he lost the ability to curb his desire for human women. What was it that got you kicked out again, oh that's right making a whole church of women who worship you walk around naked!"

"Hey keep it down!" Herrs snapped "If people starts thinking the God of Love is a total perv they'll stop worshipping me."

"Not that it matters." Aqua rolled "You were told you can't come back till you learn to seriously respect women so instead you've wasted away here for the last 600 years! And what's with that dumb get up, hiding your face?"

"Well I'm just that handsome." The man smirked "Revealing my face would enthrall women to me, sides I wouldn't be forced to hide here if you hadn't ratted me out to the others Gods in the first place."

"Take it off!" Aqua started pulling at his hood.

"Aqua stop you're going to ruin my cool mystique, I've worked decades to get this look down!" Herrs complained.

Eventually the fight between the two former Gods was broken up.

"So you're stuck here unless you can defeat the Demon King." Herrs hummed "So how'd you get sent here anyway?"

"Eris." Aqua huffed.

"Overthrown by her!" Herrs laughed again "You are path tic! Still…my sweet, dear, divine little sis is in charge now!"

"HMPH!" Aqua pouted again.

"Alright, I'll help you." Herrs nodded.

"Huh?" Kazuma blinked.

"Why bother?" Aqua glared.

"Because…" Herrs smiled wide under his hood "If I help you defeat the Demon King they'll have no choice but to take me back into the Pantheon of the Gods! Plus the human women will adore me as their savior."

"Selfish pervert." Aqua glared.

"Come on I've been around on this world the last 600 years." The archer said "I know way more than you, face it Aqua, you need me."

"Wait you've been here 600 years right!" Kazuma said getting way too happy "SO you've got like a ton of cash right!"

"You might actually be useful for getting us out of that stinky barn!" Aqua cheered "So where do you live."

"Uh…nowhere." Herrs whistled "I kinda just sleep at the inn, I'm broke."

"HOW?!" the other two snapped.

"I may or may not have wasted all my money…on girls." He looked away "Brothels, gifts for some, fines for looking up skirts."

"You damn pervert!" Aqua yelled.

"Look I'm better than nothing." Herrs said with a huff.

"We need more allies than this moron." Aqua looked away.

"I don't mind." Herrs smiled "So long as their girls, I'm cool with this guy but that's it."

"Why him?" Aqua asked.

"Hmph." Herrs smiled "I sense the aura of a fellow pervert in him."

"HEY!" Kazuma yelled.

"Recruiting more members should be easy, Aqua has a highly-coveted class so people will beg to work with her, I'm an advanced class and Kazuma…you're here." Herrs nodded.

"HEY!"

"For once you've said something smart." Aqua smirked "The people will flock to me."

"You're flyer is still up I'm sure someone will show up." Herrs noted "I can't tell you if their good or bad since I don't interact with the other adventurers that much."

"I saw your flyer." A girl walked up to them.

She was short wearing red and orange with a large witch like hat, she had a long wooden staff and her body was rather unremarkable.

"Hmph." The girl waved her hand "It's fate to meet like this, I've eagerly awaited the arrival of adventurers like yourselves. I am Megumin an Arch Wizard who weilds Explosion Magic!"

"Uhh…" Kazuma blinked.

"Do you too desire my forbidden powers?" she smiled.

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

"Are you making fun of us?" Kazuma asked.

"NO!" Megumin yelped.

"Are you a Crimson Demon?" Aqua asked.

"Indeed! I, Megumin, am one of the strongest finest magic Crimson Demons possess! It can smash boulders and crumble mountains and…" she kinda just fell onto the ground midsentence.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

 ***Rumble***

"I haven't eaten in three days." The girl mumbled.

"What's with the eyepatch?" Kazuma asked "If your hurt she can treat you, it's the one thing she's good at."

"One thing?!" Aqua snapped.

"Hehehe." I snickered.

"You shut up!" she glared.

"It suppresses my mighty magic power." Megumin said standing back up "A great calamity would befall this would if I were to remove it."

"So it's a seal?" Kazuma asked.

"No it's a toy." I pulled it off.

"Hey stop it!" the girl pouted trying to grab it back.

"I vote to deny her." Herrs raised his hand.

"Wait why?!"

"Because…" I slowly moved my hands up and down in a straight verticle line "She's flat as a board."

"W-What?!" Megumin yelled as I looked behind her.

"Tsk…even her ass is flat too." I groaned "What a useless body."

"HRA!" she punched my in the face "I'm gonna grow them, rest assured once I stop being malnourished."

"Hmph." I stood up "A chance to watch a maiden bloom before my very eyes…oaky she can stay, anything's better than having to look at Aqua all day."

"Why you-!

"Haa…" Kazuma handed Megumin a menu "Order something."

* * *

 **Later**

We headed outside of town to the hills where the Giant Toads were stomping around and making a fuss.

"So we just have to kill them right, I don't see what the problem is." I blinked "Oh wait that's right Aqua is totally useless."

"HEY!"

"Explosion Magic takes time to prepare, hold that one in place." Megumin told me.

"Don't order me around" I pulled my bow out and held my arm up **"Light's Arrow!"**

The air concussed and ripped as my arrow soared through the air and jammed into a Frog's eye.

"WOW!" Kazuma and Megumin clapped.

"Thank you." I bowed.

"But it's not dead." Aqua noted.

"Oh yeah." I blinked "Well it must be a female frog, my arrows don't work on females."

"See this is why you can't trust him with anything!" Aqua ran in to fight.

"Throwing your body to get us time, how sweet." I teased.

 ***NOM***

"And she got eaten." I sighed.

"Hmph." Megumin stepped up "As expected from a weak Arcane Archer, now let a true wizard showcase the power of magic!"

She pulled her staff back **"Darkness Darker than Dark and Blacker than Black, Justice rain and fall upon this now as an intangible distortion! Explosion!"**

The air glowed a bright blue before a spark twinkled and set off a massive explosion, the shockwave it generated was enough to nearly knock my hood off and we were almost a half mile away but when the dust settled the frog was dead.

"Wow, you actually are useful Loli Wizard." I nodded.

 ***RIBBIT***

The ground rumbled a bit and then some more frogs…err excuse me toads awoke from hibernation.

"HM!" Megumin fell forward limply.

"Uhh…she's broken." I pointed out to Kazuma.

"My Explosion Magic possess tremendous might." Megumin said lying face down and not moving "It also takes tremendous magic to wield. So in short I exceed my magical limit to cast it and now I can't move."

"So you're stuck like this?" I asked.

"Yes…" she hummed.

"So you can't move at all?" I asked standing behind her.

"Yes…" she hummed again.

"So you can't stop me from doing this?" I asked lifting her skirt "Cute panties by the way."

"When I move again I'll kill you." She said in a tired voice.

"Maybe I was wrong you butt is kinda round from this angle." I nodded continuing to scope out the sight.

"How about you help me out or we'll both get-."

 ***NOM***

And then the toad that just woke up ate us.

"This is what I get for appreciating something this feeble." I shook my head "My brethren in heaven are punishing me again."

Eventually Kazuma did free us, but we got all slimy and gross, totally unbefitting of a God like me.

"You don't have to drag me." Megumin noted as we got back to town and I pulled her along by the collar "Let me ride on your back."

"Don't feel like it." I said "I'm not gonna scuff up my sculpted back on that washboard chest of yours, I'll give you a piggyback ride when you have some more cushioning."

"I'm going to kill you." She said blankly.

"With what?" I asked "I saw your card, all you know is Explosion Magic and you won't waste that on me now will you?"

"You only know one magic." Kazuma blinked "For real?"

"For Real." Megumin huffed.

"…" we all just kinda stood there.

"If your level is high enough to use Explosion shouldn't you know some other things?" Aqua asked.

"I only use Explosion Magic, that's it." Megumin huffed louder.

"Stop squirming." I complained as she waved her arms to demonstrate her frustration "Still, nice determination Loli Witch."

"I admire your romantic pursuit of magic no matter how inneffcient it may be!" Aqua clapped.

"Well I'm sure your path ahead will be tough but best of luck!" Kazuma tried to run off.

"I'll work for free." Megumin said "All my power could be yours at the low cost of food, what choice do you have but to make a long-term partnership with me?"

"No such power would be wasted on the likes of us." Kazuma tried shaking her off.

"Wow this is just sad." I lowered my head "Abandoning a little girl while she's covered in slime.

"Hehehe!" Megumin smirked "I'll endure any erotic acts you plan to do with those frogs again!"

"Alright shut up!" Kazuma begged.

"So we're keeping her?" I asked.

"I'm not a cat!" Megumin huffed.

"Oh I get to stay too right?" I asked Aqua "I mean you let her stay and at least I'm good for something."

"HEY!" Megumin yelled.

"Do whatever you want useless pervert." Aqua said.

"Yeah, let's celebrate by looking up a dozen skirts!" I smiled.

"How about we don't!" Aqua yelled.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Normally I do fairly nice guy characters, I figured this time I'd go with a more weird pervert one for fun.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	2. Chapter 2: Darkness

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Bold is for attacks**

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

"WAHOO!" Aqua spun around spraying water around.

"What a pain." I sighed "Although."

I smirked a bit "Her skirt does flutter up each time she spins."

"Pervert." Megumin noted.

"So…" Kazuma said sitting between the little witch and I "You learn skills with the points you accrue."

"Yup." I sighed laying my cloaked head on the bar "You can use them on useful stuff, for example Megumin's Explosion Magic, or useless stuff like Aqua's party tricks."

"It won't work unless you get someone to teach you first though." Megumin explained "Then the entry to unlock it will appear on your card, use your points and then it will be active."

"So if I wanted I could have Megumin teach me Explosion?" he asked.

"EXACTLY!" Megumin grabbed his wrist "If you want to learn I'll teach you whatever you want! There's no skill more worthwhile than Explosion."

"Except he wouldn't be able to move." I noted pulling her back "He's got nowhere close to enough mana for a skill like Explosion. Back of Loli Witch."

"It doesn't matter I only have three points anyway." Kazuma explained.

"Loli…" Megumin stared off before going back to her meal.

"Still you should learn something quick and useful." I told Kazuma "You can't really do much with just your sword, frankly you'll be in the way."

"There you are, I was looking for you."

"Hmm?" I looked back as a girl approached Kazuma "Wow…"

She was tall, despite the armor she was wearing I could tell she was well endowed. Her long blonde hair was tied back into a ponytail that swayed as she walked over towards us.

"Shall we continue our conversation from yesterday?" the girl asked taking me seat that I had vacated to pull Megumin off Kazuma before "Please let me join you party-"

"Hell yes!" I yelled.

"I refuse!" Kazuma sputtered.

"HAA!" the girl gasped while her face blushed red "Such a snap decision…"

"What is wrong with you!" I started choking Kazuma out "A smoking hot blonde bombshell just offered to join our party you are going to say yes!"

 _Wait….I can feel the pleasure coming off this girl, she likes being talked down to. She's going to be awesome!_

"You can't be so pushy Darkness." Another girl came up, this one had short white hair, a very thin pole like body and wasn't wearing a lot, just a sort of one strap tank top and shorts.

"Chris!" I smiled trying to hug her "GAH!"

"Knock it off." She kicked my groin.

"Haa…" I gasped falling back "You look…amazing today."

"Who are you?" Kazuma asked as I groaned and rolled around in pain on the floor.

"I'm Chris." The girl smiled "A thief."

"She also the most beautiful girl in the world." I sighed.

"Wait I thought you liked girls with curves." Megumin noted.

"Chris is a special exception." I smiled.

"EHH?" she started kicking me while I was down "Why am I not a special exception then huh?!"

"OWW!" I groaned "Oi Kazuma, have Chris teach you **Steal,** it's pretty useful and cheap, a value skill for sure! OW!"

"Okay." Chris nodded "I'll do it for one drink, but only if you say yes now."

"Yeah!" Kazuma nodded frantically "A drink for the lady over here!"

"Chris." I said stepping over and holding Megumin back with one arm "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Passing through." She smiled "What are you doing here?"

"You know that." I smiled blankly "Did you know Aqua was here?"

"Hmm, I may have heard about that." She hummed.

* * *

 **Later**

Kazuma went out to the alley to practice with Chris and learn **Steal** the start was simple, she just took his sword the strangeness arose when Kazuma used the spell.

"Okay let's see if you can Steal from me now." Chris smiled "Try taking my magic dagger, otherwise you'll just end up with these rocks."

"Isn't that dangerous?" Darkness asked.

"Let them have their fun." I said hanging upside down from a nearby tree.

"HMPH!" Kazuma held his hand out **"STEAL!"**

He snapped his fist closed as a light shined around it.

"Hmm." I looked down "The dagger's still there."

"HAA!" Chris dropped down.

"What did you steal her heart or something." I joked.

"Hmm." Kazuma opened his hands, and we all figured out what he stole, Chris' underwear.

"Kazuma you're the greatest!" I yelled falling out of the tree.

"KYA!" Chris yelped.

"Kazuma…" I panted standing close.

"W-What?" she gulped.

"I'm going too…"

"Please do hurt me! It was an accident!" he begge.d

"I'll give you 400 gold for them." I said holding up a bag.

"Stop it!" Chris cried.

I put my arm aroid Kazuma "Seems I was wrong about you human..."

"Heh." He smiled proudly.

"You and I are gonna be best friends." I smiled back and gave him a thumbs up.

* * *

 **Later**

"Where were you two?" Aqua asked when we got back to the guild with the crying Chris and panting Darkness.

"We were…doing manly things." I snapped my fingers.

"I don't believe you." Aqua sighed.

"What's with them?" Megumin asked pointing to the other girls.

"She's just depressed because she taught Kazuma thief skills." Darkness said "And then her panties were stolen along with all the money she had."

"Why are you blurting that out?!" Kazuma yelled.

"I even tried to pay to get them back but they said they would decide the price." Chris sighed.

"Well when you put it that way…" I pouted.

"So you were able to learn thief skills?" Megumin asked.

"Of course I was, allow me to demonstrate!" Kazuma held his hand out **"STEAL!"**

"Hmm?" Aqua blinked "Well?"

"Oh I see…" Megumin stared at the floor "Hanging out with that idiot allowed you to change your class from Adventure to Pervert."

"You stole her underwear, didn't you?" I asked.

"Yep." Kazuma nodded looking at the black panties.

"Nice job." I nodded.

"Stealing the panties of a young girl in public." Darkness shivered "You must let me join your party!"

"Yes!" I cheered.

"No." Kazuma shook his head.

"DAMMIT!" I started to choke him again.

"KYA!" Darkness moaned.

* * *

 **Later**

"This girl's a crusader." Megumin noted looking at Darkness Card "Wow, we can't turn her down."

"I agree." I nodded "Plus she's got boobs."

"Tsk." Aqua glared at me.

"Alright…there's something I have to tell you." Kazuma nodded "Aqua and I might not look it but we intend to defeat the Devil King."

"Oh you were serious about that." I blinked.

"Of course I was!" Aqua snapped.

"Our Adventure is bound to become more rigorous." Kazuma explained "In particular Darkness if you were to be captured it be bad news since you're a female knight."

"Yes exactly." Darkness smiled "Since the beginning suffering an erotic fate at the hands of the Devil King has been my expectation."

"This girl is amazing." I groaned digging my hands into the table.

Before we really got the chance to continue with our conversation a bunch of cabbages flew by and we were expected to round them up, again no big deal for me to shoot them down but Darkness did get pelted a lot, so much so her armor broke.

"I'm not surprised the Cabbages had trouble breaking your defenses." Aqua noted "That's a Crusader for you."

"No, I'm just well built." Darkness blushed.

"You're well-built somewhere alright." I gulped looking at her chest "Very…very well-built."

"We all did good." Megumin said while jabbing my side with her fork.

"Yes your magic was very impressive." Darkness nodded.

"Although one of us was really holding the group back." I looked at Kazuma "What a waste all you did was steal the Cabbage leaves and then pick them up…in the heat of battle think how many pairs of panties you could have taken!"

"Your priorities are wrong!" Aqua snapped "Still our party has turned out rather impressive, there aren't many parties with this many advanced classes."

And so with that our little rag tag team was together for the first time.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	3. Chapter 3: The Dullahan

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Bold is for attacks**

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

"See my armor is all new and shiny." Darkness smiled.

"It looks like something an aristocrats son would wear." Kazuma told her.

"I would like legitimate praise once in a while." Darkness sighed "Ha but your words cut so deep!"

"I love you spirit." I smiled as she hugged her supple body.

"Haa…" Kazuma sighed.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I think you two are starting to rub off on her." He pointed to Megumin who was hugging her new staff in a sexual way.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." I smirked.

"Kazuma~" Aqua skipped over "How much was our reward for the last quest?"

"…a million." He said.

"HUH?!" we all gasped.

"Share you son of a bitch!" I growled.

"Wow Kazuma…you know you're kinda…cool." Aqua said.

"Leave the flirting techniques to the ones who can actually use them." I said.

"KAZUMA!" Aqua begged practically crying "I used all my money and was planning to make more but my rewards not good enough, come on share!"

"You're the ones who agreed to keep our own individual rewards!" Kazuma pushed her away.

"Yeah but that's before we knew you were friggen loaded!" I yelled "Come on make a kind donation to the church and maybe the God of Love here can pull a few strings and get you a sexy soulmate."

"You're scum." He glared.

"GAH!" I fell back into Megumin.

"Don't lean on me." She dropped me.

"So much for a trust fall!" I yelled.

"I'm using my money to buy my way out of sleeping in that stable!" Kazuma said.

"Oh~" Aqua smirked "I bet you want a private room, after all you are a boy and I hear you rustling around at night."

"Didn't think you were that kinda guy." I snapped my fingers.

"Alright I'll lend you money shut up!" he begged us.

* * *

 **The Next Day**

"Oh new outfit." I clapped as Kazuma stepped out.

"You almost look like a real adventurer now." Megumin said.

"The tracksuit was really ruining the fantasy feel." Aqua noted.

"Fantasy Feel?" Darkness asked.

"You wouldn't understand." I sighed.

"Let's go on a quest!" Megumin begged "One with lots of small monsters that I can blow away to test out my new staff's power."

"You know if you keep grinding on that wood people are gonna start rumors you use it for more than just spell casting." I noted.

"SHUT UP!" she yelled.

"No we need something with big monsters that can deliver powerful blows!" Darkness panted.

"Let's do something that makes a lot of money!" Aqua said.

"I don't care so long as afterword I get showered with praise from girls." I smiled.

"It's still Giant Toad Mating Season." Kazuma noted.

"No frogs!" Megumin and Aqua yelled.

"Aww but I liked seeing you to be all covered in slime." I smiled.

"Covered in slime!" Darkness yelled.

"You're turned on aren't you." Kazuma noted.

"N-No." the girl blushed.

We went over put ran into a problem when the board was empty.

"There's this one." Darkness pointed out "A quest to kill a beast known as Black Fang!"

"No way!" Kazuma vetoed it "Jeez why are there only difficult quests."

"I'm sorry." The lady who runs the quest board sighed "To tell you the truth one of the Devil King's top leaders recently entered the area and now all the weak monsters have gone into hiding as a result."

"So we either do the hard stuff or do nothing." I sighed "Sounds like too much work I'm out."

"Where the heck are you going?!" Aqua yelled.

"I don't know take a nap or something." I shrugged "I mean I could stand here and stare at Miss Luna's chest all day but if I'm broke from the lack of quests I won't be able to pay her fines so I might as well cut out now before I get entranced by those glorious tits."

"I'm standing right here." The attendant sighed.

* * *

 **Some time later**

 **With nothing to do the rest of us loafed around for a while, Aqua made money on the side, Megumin practiced her magic with Kazuma's help, Darkness was doing weight training and I was up to my usual routine.**

"Yes you ladies are looking wonderful again today." I smiled at the waitresses "Say…did your breasts get bigger? OW!"

"Pig!" the stormed off after slapping me.

"But wait, did they?!" I called out but got no response "RAAH I'm bored out of my holy mind!"

I slammed my head on the table.

"See Aqua…this world sucks." I groaned.

"Yes…it does." She groaned back.

"Call me back when you've spent 600 years here." I told her.

"If I spend that much time here just kill me." She said.

"It's an emergency!" Miss Luna yelled "Please go to the front gate."

"Ohh." I sat up "Maybe something interesting is happening."

"Ugh." Aqua stumbled off.

By the time I got out there I was able to see what we were dealing with, it was a knight with no head.

"I'm a leader of the Devil King's army." He said "I recently took up residence in a nearby castle."

"Oh wow he can talk even though his head's not attached to his body." I hummed "Neat."

"Well he's a Dullahan so he should." Aqua sighed.

"But wait his horse has no head too?" I hummed "That's just weird does that mean the horse is a Dullahan too, where'd it store its head?"

"Who's the idiot with the explosion magic that keeps attacking my castle every day?!" the undead yelled.

The crowd took a moment to look at Megumin before starting to call out a totally different girl who for sure couldn't use explosion magic.

"Huh?" the four of us looked at Megumin.

"Uhh…" she whistled.

"Little Loli Witch." I growled "Where have you and Kazuma been going to practice?"

"Hmm…" she kept whistling "Why are you trying to throw me under the bus."

"Because if I've gotta save you or that babe over there I'm picking her." I said.

"What the hell?!" she snapped.

I gestured to my chest "Her fruit is actually ripe if you catch my drift."

"I'll kill you!" she snapped "Wait…why are you picking me up? Herrs b stop! Put me down!"

"HMPH!" I hurled her out of the crowd "Good luck Loli Witch!"

"I'll blow you away for this!" she yelled.

"How cruel" Aqua said "Aren't you a God of Love who can't hurt a woman."

"Well she hasn't grown into a woman yet so she doesn't count." I shrugged.

"I heard that!" Megumin yelled.

"So it was you." The Dullahan growled "If you know who you're dealing with come attack my castle fair and square! I mean what the hell's with all this underhanded harassment?! I thought I was a nice guy for leaving this city alone since there's just shrimpy low level small fry here. Don't start getting cocky and blowing people things up!"

"I am Megumin!" the girl yelled "A mighty Arch-Wizard that commands Explosion Magic."

"Wait what's a Megumin?" he asked "Are you making fun of me?"

"NO!" the girl yelled "That's my name! "I'm a Crimson Demon you know, and this city's greatest magician."

"That's up for debate." I yelled "I head magic is stored in the breast in which case yours is pretty low!"

"I CAN HEAR YOU!" She snapped.

"That was the point!" I called back.

"Well whatever my plan worked and you were drawn out alone." Megumin huffed bluffing against the Dullahan.

"When did this become a plan?" Kazuma asked.

"Who knows." Darkness sighed.

"Whatever." The Dullahan said preparing to go home "I didn't come to play with little kids and small fry, stop exploding my castle got it."

"Impossible it must be released once a day or I'll die." Megumin said.

"Okay why lie like that?" I groaned "he was literally turning to leave!"

"Seriosuly you're not gonna stop? I thought I asked kinda nicely for a bad guy!" The Dullahan yelled "I was once a knight you know."

"Master!" Megumin begged "He's not leaving!"

"Who…me?" Aqua pointed out "Oh well since I can't take any quests I suppose we should get rid of him."

"I'm not some puny zombie that can be purified by a low level priest." The Dullahan noted "Okay, I have an idea to make you all suffer just a bit."

"I'll purify you with my magic." Aqua told him as his hand glowed purple.

"It's too late." He said pointing at Megumin "I sentence you to die, in one week you will die suffering."

"Megumin!" Darkness dove in front of her and got shot with magic.

"Guys he was literally leaving and now look we're getting dragged into this!" I groaned.

"Oh I didn't think that would work so well but you're so closely knit." The Dullahan said "Listen well Crimson Demon girl, the Crusader will die in one week. You're precious ally will die suffering, living in fear of death due to your actions."

"That's not cool." I sighed stepping up "If Darkness kicks it I'll be really sad."

"Herrs." She looked up.

"I'll totally miss getting to see her jiggle and that'd just be depressing." I sighed.

"KYA!" she gasped.

"Wow…you're awful." The Dullahan noted "And this is coming from a member of the Devil King's army."

"Look you got what you wanted, I really don't like making a scene like this but-." I let Holy magic pour off me "You'd better get lost you piece of trash."

"Hmm…" He started trotting away "If you want to cure the Crusader come to my castle and make your way to me Crimson Demon Girl, if you do that I'll lift the curse!"

"Whoa…" Aqua gasped "You were totally going to use your God Powers weren't you."

"Close one." I sighed "He bought my bluff, I was worried he'd know that was just my illusion arrow."

"Bluff?" she gasped.

"What…yeah I've been stuck here for like 600 years." I waved my hand "My Godly powers dried up like five centauries ago. All I can do now a days is the occasionally love spell and holy magic arrow."

"You're useless!" Aqua yelled.

"Look you've got powers go lift Darkness curse now that the Dullahan is gone." I said walking away.

"Wow that was actually cool." The ladies of town awed.

"I know right, but I was so scared by the mean on Dullahan." I pouted "Maybe if you girls show me something special it'll restore my mana. Just a breast or two…or twelve."

"Pig." The all walked off.

"Well it was worth a shot." I sighed.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	4. Chapter 4: Cursed Sword

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Bold is for attacks**

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

"Quest!" Aqua demanded "I'm sick of living in poverty!"

"I thought you didn't want to since they were all so tough thanks to the Dullahan." I scoffed.

"I don't care! I want Money!"

"Wow what a humble Goddess." I mumbled.

"I don't mind." Darkness nodded.

"Please Kazuma!" Aqua threw herself at his sobbing "I don't wanna work in the shopping district anymore!"

"Fine I'm sure I'll run out of money anyway, so go find a quest." He sighed.

"YAY!" Aqua ran off.

"Will she be alright, I have the feeling she's going to being back something crazy." Megumin said.

"Something unreasonable is fine!" Darkness smiled.

"See that's the spirit." I smirked.

"I'm…going to check on her." Kazuma ran off.

"Should we follow him?" Megumin asked.

"Why would you wanna follow Kazuma when you can spend time with me all by yourself." I smirked.

"We should follow him." She immediately stood up.

"TSK!" I growled under my breath.

"We're doing this one!" Aqua cheered coming back.

"You're gonna purify a whole lake?" I asked looking at the paper.

"That doesn't seem very fun." Darkness sighed.

"For you it's not." Kazuma mumbled "Sides I have a plan to make this easy."

* * *

 **Later**

"Let me out!" Aqua begged me as we had a horse pull a carriage along, and loaded on that carriage was a cage containing the water goddess "We're not really going to do this right?"

"My strategy is rock solid." Kazuma told her.

"I feel like a rare monster on the way to being sold." She sighed.

"Well you are rare since you're a goddess and your attitude makes you a monster, so I don't see any difference at all." I smiled.

"I kill you!" she tried to grab me through the bars.

Kazuma's brilliant strategy when we got to the lake was to lower the cage into the water and have Aqua sit there and purify it, the cage being what would keep her safe from the monsters. If it broke we were supposed to pull her in but I had a feeling we'd be too weak to pull a chain connected to a ten-foot by ten-foot iron cage.

"It's quiet today." I sighed laying in the grass.

"No monsters are showing up." Megumin nodded.

"Surprised you didn't just try and blow up the lake Loli Witch." I noted "OW!"

She jabbed me with her staff "What have I said about calling me that. Anyway my Explosion is not meant for such simple beast."

"You used it on Frogs the day we met." I deadpanned.

"Shut up!"

"Oi Aqua hurry it up!" I yelled "I wanna go home!"

"I'm doing my best!" she snapped.

"You two seem like you've known each other before." Megumin noted.

"Who me and her?" I asked gesturing down the hill to the cage that was now under attack by giant gators "Aqua and I have history, most of it involves her trying to kick the crap out of me for flirting and stuff, I thought she was just jealous but when I brought it up…things didn't end well."

"Huh?" Megumin tilted her head.

"I got a very nasty scar in a very personal place." I told her as I heard Aqua screaming something in the background.

"Oh." She blushed a bit.

"Yup, I learned it's best not to piss her off too much." I laughed

"Stop having a casual chat and help me!" Aqua yelled.

"Finish purifying the water first." I waved me hand dismissively.

* * *

 **Later**

It took about another four hours but the lake was cleared out of toxins and monsters.

"Hey Aqua?" Kazuma banged on the cage.

"Is she broken?" Darkness asked.

"Aqua!" I yelled "Are you tried or dead or what?"

"WAH!" she sobbed.

"If your gonna cry don't take hard quests." I shrugged.

"We agreed that you can keep the whole reward." Kazuma told her.

"That's right 300,000 Eris just for you." Darkness clapped.

"When did I agree to this?" I mumbled "Whatever come on it's boring to see you sulking snap out of it."

"Just take me back like this." She mumbled.

"Huh?" Kazuma asked.

"The world outside the cage is dangerous." She mumbled.

"Great…we broke her." I groaned.

* * *

 **Later**

We got Aqua's cage on the cart and started to head back to Axis. Unfortunately, Aqua decided she just had to sing a depressing song about how crappy she felt and that she was going to be sold.

"Aqua quit it you're causing a scene." I groaned.

"The outside is scary." She mumbled.

"TSK!"

"She's really not coming out, is she?" Megumin sighed.

"Lady Goddess!"

The cart was suddenly stopped as some punk ass human in purple blue armor ran up and tried to pry the cage open.

"YAH! He opened it!" Kazuma yelled.

"Even those gators couldn't do that!" Megumin gasped.

"What are you doing in a place such as this?" the boy asked.

"Hey, don't touch my friends so freely." Darkness grabbed his shoulder.

"You should step back." I jumped on the top of the cage and smiled "Least you invoke the wrath of a God, human."

 _Sometimes it's fun to play the God role like this._

"Aqua do you know him, he called you Goddess." Kazuma asked.

"Goddess?" she hummed "Oh yeah that's right I'm a Goddess!"

"HOW DID YOU FORGET THAT?!" Kazuma and I yelled.

"HMPH!" Aqua squeezed out of the cage "Now then what business have you with a Goddess such as myself? Wait who are you?"

"Me?" the boy looked at her "Mitsurugi Kyouya!"

"Must be a human you sent here." I whispered.

"Hmm not ringing any bells." She hummed.

"You gave me this cursed sword." He pulled up a large greatsword "With it I was reincarnated into this world."

"Huh?"

"You didn't think you were the only one, did you?" Aqua and I sighed.

"Wait a second…" I blinked looking at the sword "Is that my Gram?!"

"Oh that old thing." Aqua hummed.

"You gave away my stuff as starting items?!" I yelled.

"You weren't using it anyway!" she snapped "600 years and all it did was collect dust and the years before that you couldn't even wield the thing anyway it was a piece of junk!"

"Well anyway." She sighed turning back "Now I think I remember you, I mean I said along so many it's hard to keep track."

 _She's lying through her teeth._

"Well why were you locked in that cage?" the boy asked.

"Cause we dunked her in a lake." I laughed "It was for a quest, very goddess like."

"I was only stuck here because of him!" she pointed at Kazuma "Dragging me into this world as his item."

"HAHAHA!" I kicked my legs on the top of the cage "That's right! It's still friggen hilarious!"

"What were you thinking?!" he grabbed Kazuma by the collar.

"Wait I'm actually having a lot of fun." Aqua told him "And I'm not really that upset anymore, that was just stating facts not being upset."

"I don't know how this man won you over."

"PFFT!" Megumin and I snickered.

"But you are a Goddess and this little punk goes and does these things."

 _This guy has no filter huh, he just says what he feels._

"Where are you staying?" he asked Aqua.

"The stables." She shrugged.

"GRR!" the man grabbed Kazuma tighter.

"Is there no limit to your rudeness?" Darkness asked "Keep your hands off him."

"I wanna blow him up." Megumin huffed.

"And take half the city with us?" Kazuma said "No thanks!"

"You have such excellent classes and workers yet you make Lady Aqua sleep in a barn." Mitsurugi said "Have you no shame?! All of you should travel with me from now on, I'll even buy you new equipment."

"Hell no." I growled "No more dudes!"

"Herrs do something already." Aqua whispered "This guy freaks me out."

"I just wanna blow him up." Megumin said.

"My urge is normally to be hit." Darkness shivered "Put I want to punch him so much right now."

"Unanimous No." Kazuma turned to walk away "Bye then."

"Wait!" he stood in our way.

"Oh come on." I groaned.

"I cannot leave Lady Aqua in such a place." He explained "Have a match with me where if I win you will turn Lady Aqua over to me and if you win I'll listen to a request you may have."

"Hey Kazuma." I whispered "If you steal my sword back I'll pay you for it."

"Okay let's go!" he dashed in not giving Mitsurugi a chance to prepare.

"Hey wait-!"

" **STEAL!"**

Kazuma stole the sword and then bonked Mitsurugi on the head with in, knocking him out cold.

"That'll teach you not to walk away." He sighed.

"Alright I got Gram back." I paid Kazuma right there "UGH, crap I forgot this thing was so heavy."

"Can you even use that as an Arcane Archer?" Megumin asked.

"Shut up Loli Bitch, I mean Witch." I gave her a fake smile.

"Coward!" a young girl yelled at Kazuma.

"Oh they're cute." I noted looking at the two girls who just arrived, one had pink pigtails and the other a lime green ponytail hairstyle.

"Are you allies with this guy?" Kazuma asked.

"Disgusting coward!" the other girl yelled "Give back Gram! Only Kyouya can use that sword."

" **GRAM!"** I pointed the sword and the sky and shot of a beam "What was that, I mean if you're looking to hang out with Gram's user I'm open for arm candy."

 _Well if we're being fair no one else can use this thing except me and that kid._

"Well we're leaving." Kazuma started to leave.

"We'll never accept this!" the girls yelled.

"I believe in gender equality." Kazuma told them "Don't think I'll go easy on you, I can unleash my **Steal** in public."

"Yeah do it!" I yelled before Megumin whacked me "OW!"

Unfortunately, the girls ran away in fear, so no fear panties.

* * *

 **The Next Day**

"After deducting the cost of the broken cage my reward is just 100,000 Eris." Aqua sighed sitting at the bar with us "I wasn't even the one that broke it! I'm gonna clobber that kid when I see him!"

"Kazuma!"

"Huh?" Kazuma looked behind him "Oh he's back."

"I heard about you from the thief girl." Mitsurugi stomped over, his two fan girls cowering in the background "She said you're a demon that steals panties and covers women in slime."

"No, he's an angel." I smiled.

"Who's spreading a rumor like that?!" Kazuma yelled.

"Lady Aqua I swear I'll defeat the Devil King." The boy said "Please party up with me."

" **GOD BLOW!"** she immedaitly punched him in the face.

"WHOA!" we all awed.

"Hey you little shit pay the repair fee for the cage!" she snapped "300,000!"

 _Wait that's 100,00 more than before…_

"Can you still return my sword?" he asked Kazuma.

"Can't sold it to him for 20,000 Eris." He pointed at me.

"Can I have my sword back?" he moved over to ask me.

"Can't pawned it for 50,000." I smiled "Turned a sweet profit for that piece of junk mantel piece."

"Damn it!" he yelled running off.

"Why'd you sell it?" Megumin asked.

"It's too heavy, doesn't really do anything, and I wanted some money to cover some bar expenses and pervert fines." I laughed.

"Why did that boy keep calling Aqua a Goddess?" Darkness asked.

"I am Aqua." The girl stood up "The Aqua, Goddess of water who is worshipped by the religious order of Axis. He's a God too."

"Don't drag me into this." I grumbled.

"Did you dream that?" they asked.

"NO I DIDN'T?!"

"The pervert just happens to have the same name as the God of Love." Megumin noted "And similar weapons belonging to him…and looks like all the statues and…crap you are aren't you."

"In the most holy flesh." I snickered.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	5. Chapter 5: Might of the Gods

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Bold is for attacks**

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

"Ugh he's back, seriously." I groaned as we were called to the city gate, the Dullahan back and looking as pissed as before, maybe even more angry.

"What the hell!" he yelled "Why haven't you come to the castle?!"

"Huh?" we all blinked.

"We haven't done anything." Kazuma told him "We even made the explosions stop."

"So you say, but that girl is still coming to my castle everyday!"

"Huh…" we all turned to look at Megumin.

"HMM!" she whistled playing dumb.

"Stupid Loli Witch do you know how much power it took for me to scare him off the first time?!" I yelled trying to wring her neck.

"The castle is so much better than the plains!" she cried "It's so…big and hard!"

"Stop using innuendos to distract me!" I yelled again.

"You can't move after casting so you must have had an accomplice." Kazuma noted.

"HMM!" Aqua whistled.

"YOU!" we both growled.

"It's not fair I can't get any good quests because of him!" she cried "I wanted my revenge!"

 ***WHOOSH***

A cloud of dark energy pushed out across the plain.

"Listen humans I am Verdia." The Dullahan said finally giving himself a name "And your explosions aren't the only thing that offends me, do you have no backbone to seek vengeance for your fallen ally? I might be evil but at least I was upstanding when I was alive! In my opinion allowing the death of that Crusader, a model knight who threw herself in harms way-."

"I'm fine." Darkness waved "But being called a model knight…"

"HUH?!"

"I feel like everyone is Huh-ing a bunch today." I hummed.

"Oh he was waiting all this time, with no idea that I had dispelled the curse." Aqua said smugly "How funny!"

"Don't laugh you'll just piss him off." I smirked "Though it is funny in how sad it is."

"You know if I wanted to I could massacre everyone in this city!" the Dullahan yelled.

"You're awfully cocky for an undead." Aqua huffed.

"Do you think some beginner adventurer could-."

" **Turn Undead!"** Aqua held out her hand and started to cast a spell.

"OWW!" The Dullahan yelled rolling around on the ground in pain.

"Wow nice job." I nodded.

"GRR!" The Dullahan sat up.

"It's not working!" Aqua yelled.

"It looked affective to me." Kazuma noted "I mean he went OWW and all that."

"He's literally walking this way so I'm gonna guess it didn't work." I nodded.

"What the hell are you, you're not just some beginner." The undead growled "Fine then most of you are just beginners so I won't have to fight you myself."

He waved his arm and summoned a horde of zombies **"Undead Knights!"**

"Ah!" Kazuma yelped "I bet he's nervous because your magic was more effective than he thought it would be!"

"HMHM!" Aqua nodded rapidly.

"T-That's not it at all." Verdia mumbled "The boss doesn't fight first is all!"

"Yup." I nodded again "That's it for sure."

" **Sacred Turn Undead!"** Aqua cast another spell.

"GYOOOWWW!" the Dullahan yelled in pain.

"Good surprise attack." I nodded.

"But he's not disappearing." She shivered "What do we do?"

"Well he did yell in pain so it must be doing something." Kazuma said.

"Kill them all!" The Dullahan told his zombies.

"GRR!" the zombies started charging forward, they looked ready to attack and then they made a straight line for Aqua and myself.

"WAAH!" I grabbed her wrist "We're going!"

"Why are they after me?!" she yelled "I'm a Goddess."

"That's exactly why!" I snapped "What did you think they were chasing you because you have a nice ass or something, cause you don't!"

"HEY!" she started trying to smack me as we ran around in a circle.

"Ow stop that!" I groaned.

"WAH They're getting closer!" she jumped on my back "Faster!"

"I'm not your carriage!" I yelled.

"Herrs hurry!" she hugged my body, her chest pressing into my back.

"YOU'VE GOT IT!" I suddenly felt inspired to run much faster.

I looped back over a small hill and turned to the city.

"You just gonna stand there or help us!" I yelled at the others "Do something! Aqua stop being a free loader and cast a spell!"

"They're not working!" she cried.

"Someone just do something!" I groaned "Before my legs give out, carry her isn't easy Aqua's not light!"

"HEY!" she started punching my head "I'll have you know I'm quite thin, not overweight at all you creep!"

"OW Stop it!" I grunted as she hit my head "Now's not the time for this! I can't see if you cover my eyes you know-GOW!"

I tripped over my own feet because Aqua kept distracting me and crashed into the Dullahan.

" **EXPLOSION!"**

Megumin blasted the area around us with her magic and nearly destroyed Aqua and I in the process.

"It appears you're all speechless at the might of my magic." She scoffed.

"You stupid Loli you nearly killed me!" I yelled.

"HMPH!" she fell forward onto her face.

"You need help now don't you." I sighed.

"Yes please." She groaned.

"Haa…" I threw her over my shoulder "I guess I owe you for getting rid of the Dullahan, even if it was your fault in the first place."

"Could you not carry me like a sack of potatoes?" she asked with sleepiness in her voice.

"Nope." I shook my head "Don't feel like it…or would you prefer I give you a ride on my shoulders with my head up your skirt."

"NO!" she squirmed.

"That's what I thought." I leaned back "Oh stripes today, not a bad choice."

"Don't look up there!"

"MWAHAHAH!" The Dullahan suddenly stood up.

"Come on." I sighed

"How amusing! I didn't think you'd actually be able to wipe out my underlings. Very well I shall take you on myself!" He said pulling out a large greatsword.

"Can't this guy just go away?" I groaned "Look none of us are in the mood to fight so beat it."

A few of the other adventurers from the village charged passed to battle with him.

"You should look out for his head." I said turning away as they were cut down "You know he gets a good view with that thing above him."

"W-When Mitsurugi get's here you'll be sorry!" some girl yelled.

"Hey, Hey Megumin." I pulled the cheek of the witch.

"Stop." She pouted.

"That's the guy who's sword we sold like three times right?" I asked.

"Yes."

"So he's not coming?" I sighed.

"Probably." She nodded.

"Great~" I groaned.

"Now die!" Verdia raised his sword.

"HRAAA!" Darkness stepped up to block him.

"Ohh good timing." I nodded "But be careful your sword is kinda flimsy next to his."

 _Jeez where is Aqua to kill this guy already?_

Darkness tried to fight back but she just ended up shattering some boulders.

 _She really can't hit anything can she._

Even though she was just being toyed with Darkness frankly didn't seem to mind all that much, if anything she liked it. I threw Megumin down behind some rubble as Kazuma froze Verdia in place and attempted to steal his sword, only to get nothing.

"It's been a long time since I actually fought something so strong." I sighed.

"Hmm?" Megumin looked up.

"Haa…it's a pain but unlike last time." I pulled my hood down "I guess I'll need to play seriously for a bit."

"Wow…" Megumin looked up "You really are…"

"Stunning right." I smirked.

"Hmm…" she blushed.

"Don't worry." I pulled my bow off my back "It's the reaction I usually get when I show my face fully."

I stepped forward "RAH!"

I jumped up and kicked off of Verdia.

"What?"

"It should be...here!" I pulled my arrow back and shot it into the ground **"Geyser Burst!"**

The ground swelled up and blasted water into the sky.

"Dullahan hate water, that's what I heard Kazuma say. You know that human is pretty smart I guess." I noted summoning another arrow to my hand "As undead they also hat holy and light magics. Ugh, what a pain, I'll have to ask her for help."

"Huh?" Verdia dodged another arrow.

"AQUA!" I yelled "Are you gonna loaf around or do something?!"

"Hmph." She pouted "Maybe if you apologize for being such a meanie."

"Right now?!" I snapped "Come on I did the cool "Unleash my hidden powers" thing already so can we just end this quick."

"No apologize." She pouted more.

"Fine I'm sorry about being a jerk and calling you heavy." I groaned.

"Not for that." She glared as the Dullahan charged me "Apologize…for **That.** "

"Aqua…" I hissed.

"I'm serious." She glared "It's been 600 years and you haven't said sorry once!"

"Tsk." I hissed as he charged me "Fine."

I looked back "I'm sorry I ate your offering that one time!"

"HMPH!" she summoned some water "You should be."

"Now can we finish this." I groaned jamming the tip of my bow into the ground so I could pull it far back.

"Right." She summoned some water around my body.

" **Here we go!"** I let the arrow fly **"Holy Water Sacred Arrow!"**

My arrow flew up to the sky and created a portal that dumped a torrent of water down, it took care of the Dullahan but it also flooded the plains.

"Are you some kind of idiot." The Dullahan stood up with a struggle.

"Now get ride of him Herrs!"

"I always have to do the heavy lifting." I sighed pulling an arrow back and felt my eye flex to focus **"SNIPE!"**

In a flash I shot an arrow of light that instantly pierced Verdia's head.

" **Turn Undead!"**

At the same time Aqua used her magic to finally send him off, finishing the fight.

"Phew." I pulled my hood up "It's been a long time since I had to get that serious."

"It's been a long time since we worked together that well too." Aqua laughed.

"It was nice." I sighed "You should probably go resurrect all the dead people though otherwise we'll make trouble for sis."

"Right!" she skipped off.

"Oh and Aqua." I groaned "We're gonna have to pay for the gate we destroyed with the Flood arrow."

"GAH!" she stumbled a bit "Come on…"

 _You know this party isn't so bad after all…for a long time things were so lonely but now not so much._

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	6. Chapter 6: Winter

_Italics indicate thinking_

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

"Winter…the snow on the hills, flakes falling in the air, it's all so beautiful." I sighed "I hate it."

"Huh?" Megumin looked at me "Why?"

"It's simple in the winter people have to keep warm." I lowered my head and cried out "In other words they cover up wither layers and coats and there's so much less sex body to see!"

"Pervert." She sighed as we stepped through the snow.

We were out on a quest to deal with some snow sprites, nothing too difficult but still, I hated that Darkness was wearing a coat, heck I was even disappointed that Aqua was wearing more too with Megumin it was take it or leave it. But even I had to bundle up a bit, mostly just put on fur pants instead of the normal cloth ones, otherwise my cloak was warm enough as is.

"Aqua are you planning to catch the sprites?" I asked since she had a net with her.

"If I can bottle them up we can mix them with drinks to keep them cold all summer long." She laughed "Aren't I smart."

"Wow, you actually had a decent idea." I hummed.

"That's mean-oh wait that was actually something nice for once." She blinked.

Once we emptied out into a small valley the hunt was on, snow sprites are pretty much harmless and can basically die from a stiff swat of the arm. Compared to the recent stuff with the frogs, gators and the Dullahan hunting these little fairy puffs was…really boring.

"Haa." I sighed hanging upside down from a tree and picking off a few more "We done yet?"

"It's here." Darkness warned.

"Oh man." I scratched my chin and dropped down to the earth "I really thought we were gonna get outta this one easy."

The hillside rumbled as snow and icy dust was kicked into the air around us.

"What is that?" Kazuma gulped.

"How exciting." Darkness shivered, and not from the cold.

"He's finally here." Aqua smirked "The Winter Shogun."

A being clad in pure white icy armor appeared before us, it looked like a warrior from the old days in the other world.

"It's a special monster that the country has a huge bounty on!" Darkness cheered.

"In other words, it's super strong." I said "Kinda like an overcharged snow sprite, with it had become a Yuki-Onna instead of this ugly thing."

With one fluid movement, the beast slid by us and cut Darkness sword in two.

"The Shogun is generous." Aqua said releasing the sprites she's captured "If we apologize he'll probably just leave us alone."

"HWOAA!" Aqua suddenly bowed down.

 _Wow even she sucked it up for this one._

"Apologies for the intrusion." I bowed my head.

"Hey! Hey Kazuma!" Aqua yelled "put your sword down or he's gonna-."

 ***SWICK***

I one clean motion the Shogun took his head clean off and then faded into the blizzard.

"Wow he had no patience at all!" I yelled.

"Ah Kazuma's dead!" Megumin yelled from her position passed out in the snow.

"He's fine." I threw his head by his body "Aqua you know Resurrect, right? Hurry up and bring the human back before they ship him off on the other side."

"Hey get up already Kazuma!" Aqua casted the spell on him "How could you get killed so easily."

"Hurry up it's freezing I wanna go home." I groaned.

"Uhh the Goddess is saying I already came back once and aren't allowed to come back again." Kazuma's Spirit explained.

"EHH? What stupid Goddess said that?!" Aqua snapped "Where the hell does a Goddess in charge of a backwater world like this get off bossing me around?!"

"Uhh, she said she was called Eris." Kazuma explained.

"HA!" I yelled "Kazuma you get back here now! I don't want a perverted scumbag like you in the presence of my darling little sister a second longer! Eris can you here me, it's you awesome big brother, come visit and give me a hug!"

"If she gives you more trouble just say I'll confiscate her fake boobs." Aqua said.

"Lies those glorious orbs are not fake!" I yelled "My adorable little sister would never do such a shameless this like pad her chest!"

"Pfft that's what you think." Aqua smirked.

"Okay! Okay He's an exception!" Eris yelled "Just stop! I'll open the gate!"

"HMPH!" The boys eyes opened up.

"Oh he's finally awake." Aqua smiled "Sheesh she's too stubborn."

"How dare you say those things about Eris, she's an angel!"

"KAZUMA!" Megumin and Darkness hugged him.

"Don't reward him with a hug, he died." I grumbled.

"I would never touch you." Megumin glared.

"I brought you back, how about some words of gratitude." Aqua said smugly.

"I want the other Goddess!" Kazuma yelled.

"Fine!" Aqua snapped clenching her fist "I'll send you to meet Eris again right now!"

"Hell no don't!" I tackled her "He'd only corrupt her with his filth."

"Overprotective." Megumin blinked.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	7. Chapter 7: Graveyard of Memories

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Bold is for attacks**

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

The team had split into two squads to take care of two missions at once, Kazuma went with Darkness and Megumin which meant I had to babysit Aqua.

"Herrs~!" she groaned as we walked around a graveyard "Carry me."

"We just started this mission suck it up." I grumbled "Still was it a good idea to team you and I up?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she huffed and stomped her foot.

"It's just that we haven't worked together in a long time." I sighed "Not since at least 600 years back."

"I remember that." She gave me a side glance "I specifically remember you being a total jerk!"

"Not so loud." I scolded her "Besides, that was a long time ago."

She pouted and stared me in the eye "Should I remind you what you did."

"Ugh…" I looked off "Please don't."

"You've teased me so much maybe it's time I returned the favor." She smirked.

* * *

 **A long, long, long…it's a long time ago, like Long to the tenth power time ago.**

 **NO POV**

"Your spectacular God has arrived!" Herrs smiled appearing at the alter "Now how can the god of love help you ladies today."

"Herrs~"

"Lord Herrs~"

"He's so handsome."

"Yes I know I am." He smiled and flipped his hair a bit.

"Can you make this man fall in love with me?" one of the women asked.

"Why would I do that, when I could have you myself." He smirked at her.

 ***SWOON~***

"Still if you want me to hear your prayers and make your dreams come true, the God of Love needs he his ritual done."

"WEEE!" the women all took their tops of.

"Fuck yeah this rocks!" the god laughed.

 ***SLAM!***

"Huh?" he looked towards the door.

The light from outside illuminated the sellouts of a woman.

"GRRR!" she growled and glared at him with deadly eyes "HERRS!"

"GAH!" the man pushed the girls away "A-Aqua! T-This isn't what it looks like I swear I heard some prayers and they were just like this when I showed up-YAAA!"

Aqua pulled back and clocked him with her punch "You…"

"Ugh…" Herrs groaned pulling himself out of a wall.

"You…insensitive jerk!" Aqua said with tears in her eyes "Boyfriend my ass!"

"Aqua, baby I…"

"Never speak to me again." She punched him again "And don't think I won't tell the other Gods about this! I HATE YOU!"

* * *

 **Present.**

 **(Still NO POV)**

"Haa…" Herrs sighed.

"Yeah…it's not so nice to relive crappy moments is it." She glared at him a bit "The only reason I'm bothering with this because it's just the two of us, contrary to what you might think I don't enjoy getting embarrassed, and I really don't want anyone to ever know I used to date you, or that you cheated on me with a bunch of your human followers, it's not only embarrassing as a God…but as a woman."

In one of the very, very, very rare moments where Aqua's serious personality came out Herrs knew to shut up and listen.

"Aqua I-."

"I don't want your apologies." She turned away.

"Haa…" Herrs sighed "I didn't realize how good I had it till it was too late, I've had a long time to think since back then, I screwed up."

"No duh." Aqua rolled her eyes.

"But can't we put that incident behind us and try to be nice to each other again, I've changed." He told her while holding her hand "I'm not asking you to take me back, but…just give me chance to be your friend at least."

"Haa…I guess you're not as terrible as you used to be." Aqua sighed "I guess I should be a little forgiving. Alright I'll give you another chance to-."

"Holy crap look at the rack on the Lich!" Herrs yelled.

"YOU JERK!" Aqua clocked him "and just when I was about to forgive you, you haven't changed at all!"

"UGH!" Herrs crash landed before the woman with a well endowed body wearing purple rules.

"HA!" the girl gasped.

"Uhh…" Herrs said in a groan "What's up oh…are those real?"

"Y-Yes." She shivered nervously.

"She's a Lich." Aqua said "Let's exterminate here."

"Hey no way!" The man jumped up and yelled.

"We're Gods this is what we do." Aqua said.

"I won't let you." Herrs said.

"Oh you're gonna be brave and stand up for a lady now." Aqua growled "Don't let his stupid smile fool you, he's not protecting you out of the Goodness of his heart, he's only protecting you because of those oversized tits you have."

"As if I would stick my neck out for a lich over some breasts." Herrs huffed "…she's got a cute ass too."

"I'm really gonna kill you!" Aqua snapped.

"WAIT!" The Lich yelled "Stop fighting!"

"Huh?" the two Gods looked back at her.

"My name is Wiz." She said in a meek voice "I'm just…exorcising this graveyard to keep ghosts from going into town."

"Haa…" Aqua and Herrs both sighed.

"Let's chat Miss Wiz." Herrs said "A Lich like you can't be hanging around here, Aqua why don't you use your powers for something useful and set up a sigil to send the spirits off so she doesn't come here every night, and stop glaring at her."

"But-."

"Who really cares, if you just let her scram I'll owe you one alright." Herrs sighed.

"Heh." Aqua smirked "Deal."

"T-Thank you." Wiz mumbled.

"It's no big deal." Herrs shrugged.

"I have a shop in town." Wiz gave him a card "Stop by if you need something."

"Oh we'll be stopping by." Herrs said staring at her chest "We'll be stopping by a whole lot."

"Ah!" the Lich shivered nervously.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **A little bit of a filler chapter, hope you liked it!**

 **Till Next Time!**


	8. Chapter 8: Wiz

_Italics indicate thinking_

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

Aqua, Kazuma and I were talking a walk in the side streets of the city together, we were making a trip to see our new Lich friend so Kazuma could see about her teaching him a skill.

"Aqua don't be mean got it." Kazuma pointed at her.

"Let's go in already." I smiled.

"Wipe that grin off, it's creepy." Aqua shot me a look "Why did you even come?"

"We're here to see Wiz." I hummed "And she's got those amazing…eyes."

"Disgusting." Aqua sighed as Kazuma opened the door.

"HA!" Wiz gasped and nearly dropped a bottle when we walked in.

"You dammed Undead!" Aqua ran up and grabbed her collar "Why should I have to sleep in a barn while you get to run a shop?! You're being all full of yourself."

"Aqua stop." I said "If you keep shaking her like that her boobs will sag."

"WHO CARES!" Aqua snapped "They're stupidly big anyway!"

"Those flesh orbs are more godly than you are!" I yelled at her.

"Why you-!"

"OW!" Kazuma whacked us both with the hilt of his sword.

"Ha, Kazuma." Wiz blinked.

I had taking Kazuma to meet the sexy Lich a few days after the trip Aqua and I took to the graveyard.

Kazuma had things to discuss with Wiz so Aqua and I were supposed to just sit and wait.

"Jeez does this shop not even serve tea." Aqua glared.

"I'll get some right away!" the Lich yelped.

"Don't make demands of Wiz, she's a busy lady." I scolded.

"Yeah right there's no one here." Aqua scoffed.

Aqua was right the shop wasn't very busy, at least never when I came by. Wiz ran this place herself and she's not the most coordinated person around.

"Here you go." Wiz placed two cups down for Aqua and I "Do you need any milk?"

"YES!" I stared straight at her chest "OW!"

"No we don't" Aqua jabbed my eyes with her fingers before taking a sip "Hmm…not bad. You set up this shop even though you're an undead and you prepare warm tea even though you're undead."

"I'm sorry." Wiz bowed frantically.

"Yes!" I stared wide eyed as her body swayed up and down.

"Stop that!" Aqua yelled at her.

"Stop being so spiteful to Wiz." Kazuma told us.

"HMPH!" Aqua and I huffed.

"Wiz I have some points saved up, could you teach me a skill?" Kazuma asked.

"PFFT!" Aqua spit "What are you thinking?! I can't possibly overlook an attendant of a Goddess learning the skills of a Lich!"

"Who are you calling attendant?!" he snapped.

"Listen Lich's love dark gloomy places." Aqua pointed out "They're basically related to slugs."

"Wiz is nothing like a slug! You take that insult back!" I yelled.

"Shut up." She glared "You're worse than a slug."

"People can't normally learn Lich skills but I was thinking that it could be useful." Kazuma explained.

"Not a bad idea." I leaned back in my chair "But I wouldn't recommend it since you don't know how it'll interact with your normal human body, last thing you want is to like…blow up or something."

"I don't think that will happen." Wiz sighed "Oh, I heard you all defeated Verdia before, that's quite surprising, he's very strong even among the other leaders."

"You sound like you know him." I peeked out from under my hood a bit.

"Well that's because I'm one of the eight leaders in the Devil King's army." She said.

…

I dropped my cup.

"Huh?"

"RAH!" Aqua tackled her "Herrs."

"Sorry about this." I pulled my bow off my back "Plans have changed you're gonna have to die now, sexy or not you'll have to get out of the way so we can take out the Devil King."

"Total 180!" Kazuma yelled.

"Wait please just listen!" Wiz begged.

"We really should hear her out." Kazuma stopped Aqua.

"It's not what it sounds like!" Wiz yelled "All I was asked to do was maintain the barrier around the castle! I'd never hurt anyone and there's no reward for defeating me!"

"I don't get it." Aqua made her hand glow "But I'll eliminate you just in case."

"Aqua knock it off." I grabbed her wrist "You're getting out of hand."

"I'll tell you how to open the path to the castle!" Wiz yelled.

"Hmm?" We all listened up.

"You have to defeat the other leaders, I was told I could manage my shop in peace so long as I put up a Barrier around the Devil King's castle and maintained it!"

"So as long as you're around no one can enter the castle?" Aqua asked "That's more reason to eliminate her and break another layer of the barrier."

"Please!" she cried "Just let me live a little longer, I still…have things I have to do."

"I could probably shoot an arrow through the barrier." I hummed "But we'd all get trampled if we went in there now."

"THANK YOU!" Wiz bowed.

"You're not upset with us or anything?" Kazuma asked "For killing Verdia I mean."

"We weren't particularly close or anything." Wiz shrugged "Whenever I walked around his head always seemed to roll in my path."

"Maybe that headless guy had the right idea." I smirked.

"Gross." Aqua hissed.

"Why, it's not like anyone has to take their head off to see up yours with that skirt." I leaned back to look behind her.

"Stop it!" she tried pulling her dress down a bit.

"That stuff doesn't matter." Wiz smiled "Call me whatever you want but I still think I'm a human, even now. If you want to learn that badly I can teach you a Skill…oh but all my skills can only be used on an opponent."

"Aqua you do it." Kazuma told her.

"EHH?" she snarled "What did you just say, you want me to get attacked by an undead. Just what skill do you plan to use on me?"

"How about **Drain Touch?"** Wiz asked "It absorbs health and magic."

"Hmm, that could help compensate for our lack of firepower." Kazuma hummed.

"I'll only take a very small amount." Wiz said.

"Fine then." Aqua walked forward smugly "Absorb as much as you can, go on do it."

 _Demon Goddess…_

"Please excuse me." Wiz said placing her hand on Aqua's palm and making it glow purple "Hmm?"

"What's the matter?" Aqua smirked "Aren't you going to absorb my health and magic?"

"Quit playing games or we'll be here all day Aqua." I sighed.

"Tsk." She hissed fine.

We got Kazuma his new skill then and there.

"Umm Lady Aqua, you can let go of my hand now." Wiz said "Actually when you touch me it kinda tingles."

"Hmm." Aqua smiled putting magic in her hands.

"S-Stop!" Wiz yelled "That burns! I'm gonna disappear!"

Wiz really was fading, her body looking somewhat transparent.

"Stop." I whacked Aqua "We have more important things to do than for you to feel powerful."

"So mean." Wiz rubbed her hand.

* * *

 **Later**

When we were preparing to leave Wiz's shop she told us that someone was looking to have a mansion cleared of ghosts and that if we could do it we'd be allowed to have the place ourselves, needless to say it was a shot at free housing so we were all for it.

"Yes, this should be a fine place for me to live." Aqua nodded.

"An Aristocrat's villa." Megumin hummed.

"Allowing us to live here, the landlord is very generous." Darkness added "And all we have to do is exorcise it."

"Apparently, Wiz I also a famous magician in this city." Kazuma explained "So people bring her these cases and she let us take this one."

"I just hope it's warm, winter is still in full swing and my hotel room isn't very warm." I grumbled walking towards the door "Let's go in."

This Villa was supposedly full of spirits that kept coming back but we figured Aqua would be able to send them packing without any trouble. We brought in the luggage and did a quick wash and scrub of the floors to get out the old cobwebs and dust.

"Hmm." I pulled a trunk to the foot of my bed and sat in my room "It's nice to relax after all that cleaning. YAAWWNN!"

I leaned back and closed my eyes for a bit.

"Huh?" when I eventually opened my eyes I noticed there was a doll staring at me.

"This isn't very nice you know." I sighed shooting an arrow at the doll and making the spirit leave the body "I was relaxing."

I heard yelling out in the hall, I thought for a second maybe I should help…but I was tired so I just went back to sleep.

"Aqua can handle it…probably." I mumbled into my pillow.

* * *

 **The Next Day**

"How'd it go?" I asked sitting at the table in the main hall.

"Fine, no thanks to you." Megumin glared.

"Alright fine I'll owe you one, just stop creeping me out with those eyes of yours." I sighed.

"What's wrong with my eyes!" she snapped.

"A little girl like you staring up at me with sultry blood red eyes is uncomfortable." I stared down at her "For a variety of reasons."

"Ohoho." She snickered "I see you find yourself unable to resist the allure of my crimson orbs."

"Keep dreaming shrimp." I patted her head.

"HMPH!" she pouted.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Planning a little filler chapter next time with Herrs and Megumin.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	9. Chapter 9: Charm

_Italics indicate thinking_

* * *

 **NO POV**

"Hey Herrs!" Megumin banged on the door "You promised to give me a charm!"

Megumin tapped her foot for a bit.

"Hello?" she pushed the door open to the quiet room "No one's here, he must be out. Well then…"

Megumin skipped over to the trunk "I'll help myself then."

Megumin prepared to open the trunk that housed Herrs magic weapons charms and other holy items.

"Wait…what if there are adult things in this trunk." Megumin blushed "I mean he is the God of Love, but that probably means he has something to make my body reach it''s true potential like it deserves."

Megumin looked at her chest, the 90 degree angle a prefect down slope.

"It's worth it." She threw the trunk open "Hmm?"

Megumin looked in, the trunk was full of various things in various shapes and sizes, swords, medallions, rings and bracers all radiating magic energy.

"What's this?" Megumin picked up a quiver of arrows accidentally pricking her finger "OW!"

"Hey stay out of that Loly Witch." Herrs walked in and slammed the trunk closed "What are you doing messing around in my trunk there are a lot of dangerous things a kid like you should avoid."

"What ever just give me the charm for my staff." She looked up "HA!"

 ***BATHUMP***

"Quit staring at me I told you it's weird." Herrs sighed

"GULP!" Megumin swallowed as her face heated up "R-Right, I've…gotta go to the bathroom!"

Megumin ran out of the room and slammed the door.

"Weird." Herrs shrugged.

"Ha…" Megumin grabbed her chest "I feel like…I'm gonna explode!"

Megumin looked at her finger, there was no blood, there wasn't even a cut but the heat tingling her body originated from her finger.

"Maybe I should be a little nicer to Herrs." She blushed and squirmed a bit "He is…kinda hot."

"Hey Loli." Herrs walked up to Megumin "You left without this."

"A gift for me!" She gasped taking the feather charm.

"Yeah, you asked me to make it remember we just talked about this like ten minutes ago." He said.

"Right." She blushed.

" _A gift from Herrs!"_ she squealed internally _"I'll never let it go!"_

"Well enjoy it." He flicked her hat and walked passed.

"I will!" she smiled "Thank you so much."

"Sure…it's just a simple charm though." Herrs rolled his eyes.

"So dreamy~" Megumin sighed not aware of why she felt like this.

The rest of the day went on abnormally, everywhere in town Herrs went Megumin would follow.

"Loli Witch." Herrs sighed stopping at a market stall "Is there a reason you're following me."

"N-No." she blushed "I just wanted to hang out with you is that so bad?"

Herrs chatted up the girl running the stand, the God putting on his usual charming smile and look.

"Hmm." Herrs smiled at the woman running the fruit stand, his eyes drifting towards her bust "I just realized how…ripe the melons here are."

"Hehehe." The girl giggled a bit at his flirting attempt.

"Hmph!" Megumin pushed him "I'm right here you know."

"What are you on about?" Herrs groaned.

"Oh is this your little sister?" the woman asked.

"Hell no!" Herrs and Megumin both yelled.

"I'm…his lover." Megumin hugged his arm.

"PARDON?!" Herrs yelled.

"I mean we are right." Megumin looked up at him "I'm right here throwing myself at you and you're flirting with another girl, it's so mean."

"I can't believe you." The woman at the stall scoffed "Cheating right in front of your poor girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend, I hate this brat."

"Huh?" Megumin tilted her head to the side "Hate…me?"

"Megumin?" Herrs looked at her oddly.

"I see." She grabbed her staff "Well if I can't have you no one will."

Megumin went full on Yandere and started to power up her staff with magic.

"Whoa what are you doing?!" Herrs grabbed her wrist and made her drop her staff "You'll blow the whole town up! Normally I'm call with you yelling and overreacting but what's with you today?!"

"It's not fair!" she pouted with tears "I want to be with you but I don't know why but I want you so bad!"

"What nonsense are you spouting, you're out of your mind." Herrs said "Huh."

Herrs eyes flashed pink **"Lovers Gaze!"**

Herrs looked down and sighed.

"I see." He saw an aura on her finger "You were snooping around my trunk weren't you Loli Witch and let me guess you pricked this finger on an arrow."

"Y-Yes." She pouted.

"Come with me." Herrs sighed "You got charmed stupid."

Megumin had pricked her finger on Herrs' old magic Love arrows, they work fairly simply if you get struck by one it leaves no surface wound, but does scratch at the soul causing the victim to fall in love with the next person they see, and yes for those wondering it can work between homosexual relationships and even on one's own reflection.

Legends say that bow once ran havoc on a whole city, hence why Herrs locked it in his trunk of dubious magical doodads. It tends to upset people if they get denied by the partner they matched to, hence why Megumin tried to blow up the whole city.

"Sit down I'll take the charm off you." Herrs told Megumin as they stopped by a tree.

"Hmm." Megumin blushed sitting down.

"MWA!" Herrs kissed her pricked finger and Megumin blinked.

"WAH!" she kicked him in the face "You got it now stop!"

"Ow jeez." Herrs rubbed his jaw "Sorry for helping."

"Hmph, you should have a warning about stuff like that." Megumin huffed.

"It was in a private trunk in my room." Herrs sighed "You shouldn't have been snooping around.

"Whatever." Megumin pouted "Let's just go home."

"Fine." Herrs groaned rubbing his jaw "Damn you got me hard."

"…Sorry." Megumin mumbled.

"It's whatever." Herrs sighed.

"Are there any residual effects?" Megumin asked.

"There shouldn't be, if I kiss where the arrow struck than the charm is lifted." Herrs explained "Consider yourself lucky you didn't get shot in a more personal place like the chest…well for you I suppose there's nothing there to worry about."

"Stupid Jerk!" Megumin said going towards her room.

"See ya." Herrs shrugged going to the main hall.

"HMMM!" Megumin blushed on the bed "He kissed my finger!"

Herrs was right when he said there were no side effects, but sometimes feelings that were under the surface may bloom as a result of interactions in their charmed state.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	10. Chapter 10: Succubus

_Italics indicate thinking_

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

"Hmm." I sat at the table watching Darkness and Megumin play chess before bed.

"WAH Darkness that's no fair!" Megumin yelled.

"It's a legal move stop whining." I sighed taking a drink from a flask I had bought.

"Hey, Hey, Herrs what's in that?" Aqua asked.

"Nothing you can have." I said holding it over her head "You turn into a total loon when your drunk so you can't have any."

"No fair share~" she complained.

"I know you have your own secret stash keep your hands-off mine!" I yelled.

"Do all god like beings drink this much?" Darkness asked.

"It takes more to get us drunk that that's what you're asking, well except Aqua booze goes through her like water through a skeleton." I shrugged "But yeah it's pretty common for us to enjoy the drink."

"Hey Kazuma!" Aqua yelled to the boy sitting by the fire "Get up and give me your seat."

"Huh?"

"I'm level 21, the highest in the party." She bragged "Well not counting Herrs since he's been here for 600 years he doesn't really count. Now give up your spot nearest the fireplace to your superior."

"Now I use my teleport!" Megumin moved a piece to the other end of the board.

"Hey, that's not fair." Darkness huffed.

"Megumin don't cheat." I sighed looking off.

 _Aqua has her hair down for bed…I forgot how cute she can be with that style, and those PJs hug her just right._

* * *

 **The Next Day**

"Oi Kazuma?" I pointed as he and I walked through town "Don't you know those two guys?"

"What are you two doing?" Kazuma asked walking up to them.

They were two guys from the guild Keith and Dust, Keith is the taller one with black hair and Dust is the shorter one with blonde hair, they're in a party with another guy called Taylor and a cute girl named Lean. Apparently Kazuma had become friends with them, me on the other hand…I despise men they gross and not sexy at all, Lean though I could get friendly with her for sure.

"You two are too jumpy, and you're standing in front of a dark alley asking for trouble." I looked past them "Oh, you're at _**This Place**_."

"This place?" Kazuma asked.

"A secret little alcove for Male Adventurers." I told him "It's better known as the Succubi Dream Shop."

"Tell me more." Kazuma said sternly.

"You three are boys after my own heart." I laughed "Basically you go down there, make an appointment with the Succubi and they'll come and give you a "Nice" dream, they get to absorb your energy and you get to relieve some pent up…stress that you couldn't otherwise relieve in the presence of a camp with female party members if you catch the drift."

"I see so you've used it many times." Keith nodded.

"Nope not even once." I shook my head.

"But you're like the most well known perv in the town!" Dust yelled.

"It is odd." Kazuma looked at me.

"Well Kazuma, give what you know about me you should understand that the Succubi wouldn't be able to handle someone like me, if they tried to absorb my energies…well…" I spread my hands "Poof, internal combustion. So it's best I not mess around with the demons."

I waved "You three have fun though, just remember not to let them take too much or you won't wake up from that dream."

* * *

 **Later**

"Wow free food." I sat at the table "Darkness your family rocks!"

Darkness Family had sent us a punch of crabs as thanks for taking care of her and as a housewarming gift, I don't know where they had the money to afford all this but I wasn't gonna complain.

"Super High Grade Red Crab!" Aqua cheered "And it came with this awesome high label liquor!"

"Share with me." I held my glass out.

"I don't wanna!" she hugged the bottle.

"I have never been happier to be in this party than today!" Megumin clapped "I would hold in an explosion all day if it meant eating this crab!"

"HAA!" Aqua smiled breaking and eating a leg "Yummy."

"I haven't had this stuff in decades." I hummed snapping a leg "Normally I hate crabs, but they're fine at the dinner table."

"We're eating." Aqua glared.

"WOW!" Kazuma yelled eating a leg and instantly grabbing another.

"Slow down or you're gonna choke." I sighed.

"Kazuma pay attention I'm going to teach you the best way to eat this crab." Aqua picked up her bottle "First you get a fire, then you take the shell and pill it with the inside parts, you fill the shell with this stuff and then boil it and Ta-dah!"

Aqua picked up the crab head "It's like amazing stew."

"Now your teaching your secret drinking techniques." I laughed with a leg hanging in my mouth like a cigar "How the mighty have fallen."

"Why you-."

"Hey what does it taste like let me try." Megumin begged.

"It's not for minors like you." I tipped the shell back "HAA!"

"Come on just a little~." She pouted.

"Besides there's no way a little Loli like you can handle something this strong." I rolled my eyes "I mean look, it's already running through Aqua."

"WEEE!" the Goddess cheered waving her arms "Heat up faster~"

"See if you start drinking at this age you'll melt your brain and end up like her." I pointed out.

"WAHA!" Aqua crashed into me.

"You're a terrible influence." I sighed.

"Herrs~." She pouted laying on top of me "Get me more~"

"You've had plenty." I pushed her up.

"Boo!" she softly punched me "Meanie."

"Come on." I held her wrists "Stop it, it's annoying when you get like this."

We all stayed up a little while longer, Kazuma turned in early but soon it was dark and the crab was mostly gone.

"HEE!" Aqua cheered softly as I carried her to her room.

"You're such a pain." I rolled my eyes "At least you didn't try and drag me into a drinking contest like you used to."

I pushed the door to her room open and dropped Aqua on the bed.

"There, now sleep it off-WAH!"

The girl grabbed my hood and yanked it off, not only exposing my face but dropping me onto the bed with her.

"Herrs~." She smiled "You're still…really handsome."

I blinked a bit and looked down at her.

"Aqua…"

"Hmm." She suddenly hugged me "Be my pillow."

"Ugh." I groaned as she squeezed me tight "Ow, not…romantic at all."

"SNORE!" she immediately passed out.

"I can't tell if this is a romantic moment at all anymore!" I yelled trying to squirm free.

"HMPH~" Aqua threw her leg up and over mine.

"Haa…" I laid my head back and sighed "We haven't been this close in a long time have we?"

Aqua just mumbled in her sleep.

"Sometimes I miss nights like this, just the two of us, together relaxing." I smiled sadly before smirked "But your boobs are kinda pressed against my arm so it's a total win-win!"

"HM?!" Aqua's eyes shot open.

 _Crap she heard me!_

"There's someone here!" she jumped out of bed.

"What?" I pulled my hood up "Get back here you drunk."

"I'm serious!" she ran into the hall.

"What's all the yelling?" Megumin walked out of her room rubbing her eyes.

"Intruder!" Aqua yelled pointing at a girl on the gerund "See, she's in the traps I have set up!"

"Why do you have sigil traps in our house?" I groaned walking up "Huh, it's a succubus."

 _She probably came because Kazuma booked her, but since Aqua has these anti-demon traps she got stuck before she could get to his room…well I'll have to work our way outta this carefully, poor thing looks scared out of her mind too._

"Aqua!" Kazuma stormed out "What are you screaming for?!"

"AHH Crazy man in a towel!" the blue haired woman yelled.

"You could have at least put pants on…pervert." I sighed.

"I'll exorcise her right away!" Aqua yelled.

"HMPH!" Kazuma stood in front of Aqua and looked at the demon girl "Run away."

"Huh, but she came to steal your vitality." Aqua said.

"Oh so she couldn't have been here to take mine?" I asked.

"Shut up who'd want your nasty lifeforce." She glared.

"HEY!"

 _I can play along here and help this girl…and hopefully not embarrass Kazuma either._

"She must have charmed him." I smirked "Poor Kazuma doesn't know any better. Oh well I guess we'll just have to kill him and then I'll be the only male in the mansion, what a shame."

"HEY!" Kazuma yelled.

"Just let the girl leave, she didn't hurt anyone." I shrugged "And she's kinda cute."

"There's no way a Goddess like me can let a devil live." Aqua glared "I already let you spare that stupid lich I won't let you save some demon because they have big boobs or a cute face again!"

"What are you my mother?" I groaned.

"I might as well be with how juvenile you act, I'm pretty sure your brain never left puberty you pervert!"

"Says the only Goddess I know that gets drunk at the drop of a hat!" I snapped back.

"Uh guys." Megumin tugged our arms "She's trying to break free."

"GOOD!" "CRAP!" Aqua and I yelled.

"Accursed Succubus!" Darkness stormed out in her nightgown "Putting my though such humiliation by charming Kazuma…I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Herrs move Kazuma." Aqua said.

"I don't want to." I huffed.

"Haa…Herrs." She put on a pout "Please~ I'll pay you at the first level"

"Sorry bro you're outta luck." I shrugged "Aqua's got you beat on this one, I just can't resist that face."

"TOTAL PUSSOVER!" Megumin yelled.

"Just be lucky he accepted my face as payment and didn't demand level two." Aqua sighed.

"Level two?" Megumin asked "What's that?"

"I'll tell you when you're older." Aqua patted her head.

 _Level two…damn I should help out till I could get her to flash me the goods._

"Alright." I rolled my shoulder "Get outta the way Kazuma, or this is gonna hurt."

"You spineless man." He glared "And you call yourself a pervert."

"Hahaha…" I smirked "At least I haven't wasted my money."

"HMPH!" he jumped at me.

"Oh come on did you think you could hit me with that." I side stepped him like it was nothing and grabbed his arm to take him down.

"Crap the Succubus flew away!" Aqua hissed "Way to go Herrs you moron!"

"You told me to get Kazuma not the Succubus." I rolled my eyes "Now pay up."

"Tsk, fine…"

I leaned forward and she kissed my cheek "There."

"Thanks." I smiled "Pleasure doing business with you Aqua."

"Tsk." She looked off "Creep."

* * *

 **The Next Day**

"Sometimes I really hate you." Aqua huffed sitting at the table for lunch with me.

"I could say the same about you." I shrugged.

We were both quiet for a bit.

"You know you don't have to pout like that, you can just ask me." I mumbled "I'll always do things for you."

"I know." She said softly "That's just…the kinda guy you are."

"Hmph." I laughed a bit "You know somedays I really can't stand you, but some other day…I wish it was like it used to be."

"Yeah, me too…" she stood up "But it can't be like that, not anymore."

"It could be…if you wanted it to." I said.

"Tsk, you already tried that line a few weeks ago in the graveyard." She smirked leaning towards me "I won't fall for it again."

"Right." I laughed a bit and leaned towards her "That joke…won't work twice."

 ***DONG***

"Hmm." Aqua and I both separated from our little flirting thing when we heard the towns alarm going off.

"DESTROYER!" the Alarm buzzed "The Mobile Fortress Destroyer is coming?!"

"What?" I stood up.

"I thought it stays away from here by miles." Aqua looked at m.

"Somethings wrong." I jumped out the window "Let's hurry, and Aqua"

"Hmm?"

"This is serious." I looked back up at the window "I'll be going all out if I have to."

"Right." She nodded.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	11. Chapter 11: The Destoryer

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Bold is for attacks**

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

"The Destroyer…" I looked at the walking spider tank "What turned it off the path, we should have known it was coming weeks ago."

"Hmm." I lowered my eyes "This is gonna be a pain."

I took my hood off.

 _This won't be easy and this town is full of novices, I'll have to go all out or people are gonna die._

"Megumin!" I yelled down "You can't blow that up can you?"  
"I don't think so." She mumbled "My Explosion won't be able to take it down in one blow."

"Yeah I figured." I sighed.

"I'm sorry I'm late!" Wiz cried running up "I came to help."

"Can you manage?" I asked.

"I used to be an adventurer." She explained.

"Good enough." I looked down.

 _She was strong enough to become a Lich she probably has off the charts magic._

"There it is, it's bigger than I remember." I blinked.

"What do you mean by _Remember_?" Megumin asked.

"You see that area sparking." I pointed at part of the body "I shot it there, I tried to kill it a few decades ago…needless to say it didn't work."

"WAH!" Megumin ran around in a circle "You're like the strongest person in town when your serious and if you couldn't kill it we're doomed!"

"Relax." I groaned making an arrow of light "That was a long time ago."

"Alright." I aimed my arrow "Let's get ready, to make this work."

"HERRS!" Aqua yelled "I can't trust Wiz switch with me!"

"No way." I snapped.

"I am strong…I am strong." Megumin chanted to herself.

 _She's not doing to great…_

"Megumin relax all you have to do is channel your explosion magic so once Aqua and I break the barrier you and Wiz can blow it up."

"I…I'm gonna do it!"

"No not yet!" Kazuma yelled.

"NOW!" I yelled "AQUA! Break the barrier!"

"HMPH!" She grabbed her staff and summoned five massive magic circles **"MAGIC BREAK SPELL!"**

"HAAARAH!" I pulled my bow back extra far **"Pierce Shot!"**

The light arrow spun through Aqua's spell and concentrated the power into a point, shattering the forcefield.

"Now Megumin!" Wiz called "We'll attack it together."

"I…I…I."

"Come on!" Kazuma snapped "Is your magic so wimpy you can't destroy that thing?"

"What did you just say?!" Megumin yelled "I'll show you an Explosion! **Darkness darker than Black…"**

"HMPH!" I jumped up as the two shot blasts upward.

" **Light's Arrows!"** I summoned two arrows to absorb the magic into a fine point **"Armor Eye!"**

"HNGH!" I closed my left eye and strained the right to look though the smoke and see the highlight of the last time I made a hole in it's metal shell.

"THERE!" I let the arrows fly **"Explosion Pierce!"**

The two arrows spun around each other like a coil and embedded themselves in the shell, exploding and knocking the Destroyer to the dirt.

"HMPH" I landed on the ground below "Haven't shot out that much power in a long time."

"For a God of Love you're very violent." Aqua looked at me.

"TSK!" I hissed "And for a Goddess of Water you drink like an old man."

"HEY!" she yelled "Well speaking of we won so let's go back and celebrate!"

"BZZT!" the Destroyer started to hum.

"Wow way to go Aqua." I ran my hand through my hair "You jinxed it."

"HUH?! I didn't do anything!" she cried.

"Damage has exceeded threshold." The machine buzzed "Now initiating self-destruct protocol."

"It can self-destruct?!" I yelled.

"You fought it once you didn't know that?" Aqua panicked.

"I didn't do enough damage that time!" I yelled and panicked with her "Well better start running!"

"Can't you go in and destroy it?" Aqua begged.

"With what an arrow?" I yelled "Look at the size of that thing one arrow can't stop whatever bombs gonna blow that thing up."

"One arrow just stopped the whole thing!" she snapped.

"That was super charged with Explosion Magic!"

"You're useless!"

"No you are!"

"Well Darkness is going and so is everyone else so figure it out!" she tried pushing me.

"Stop pushing!"

"If we can find the control device we might be able to stop it." Wiz said.

"You know what all the other adventurers are charging in so let's go home and try tomorrow." Aqua tried to walk away.

"Oh no you tired pushing me in you're coming!" I grabbed her hand.

We ended up going in and finding the body of the guy who built this thing, a useless human who made a machine and then couldn't turn it off…this is why I hate humans.

"Well what do we do with it?" Kazuma asked.

"The Coronatite is growing unstable." Wiz explained "It's going to explode."

"Aqua do something about it, you're a Goddess right seal away the evil power." Kazuma said.

"We're Gods not miracle workers." We both said.

"Wiz can't you do something?" Aqua asked.

"Uh…I could maybe teleport it." She said.

"Do that!" Aqua yelled.

"But I don't have enough Magic left!" she yelped.

"You can you drain right?" I said "Suck Kazuma dry for it."

"Hey why me?!" he yelled.

"Because if she tries to drain Aqua or myself it'll kill her." I said "And it'd be tragic if her boobs, I mean if Wiz disappeared."

"WAH!" he yelled when I pushed him into Wiz and she drained his energy.

"Oh just don't take too much or he'll be a dried out husk." I said.

"There's just a problem." Wiz dropped him "I won't know where I'm sending it if I do a random teleport, and there's no time for a focused one."

"Then just do it." Kazuma said.

"But if it goes somewhere else like another city." Wiz shivered.

"It's a big world!" Kazuma told her "It's okay…I'll take responsibility."

"Are we teleporting a bomb or having a child here?" I groaned "Chop, chop let's go."

"Okay!" Wiz moved her hand **"Teleport!"**

Wiz made the core vanish into thin air and that was that, we headed outside with our mission complete….or at least it would have been if that stupid human hadn't built the most ass backwards ventilation system that started to make it build up pressure without the core!

"So there was no point in moving the Coronatite!" Kazuma yelled.

"Can we move the Destroyer too? Or blow it up?" I asked "I mean otherwise we'll all melt in steam and fire."

"I'm all out of Magic after the teleport." Wiz said.

"And Megumin is out cold." I sighed.

"Well now that I think about it the guild town issued all my loans so…" Aqua hummed.

"Wow…" Darkness and I stared at her.

"Hey self-proclaimed goddess." Kazuma grabbed Aqua.

"WAHHH!" Aqua yelled when her drained her "KAZUMA?!"

"I'm gonna share your magic power with Wiz since she can't take yours directly." He explained.

"Oh good idea." I nodded "Except it's the same magic so Wiz'll still vanish…give it to the Loli."

"HEY!" Megumin yelled.

"WAAAH!" she yelled when Kazuma grabbed her neck "Sexual Harassment!"

"Just stop embarrassing yourself." I sighed.

You all know how this whole thing's gonna go, Aqua complained, Megumin used Explosion and once again the day was saved thanks to us…in retrospect I didn't really get to do as much as I thought I was gonna…oh well.

* * *

 **Later**

Oh right we went back the guild a few days later and some sexy lady tried to arrest Kazuma for teleporting the core to some dudes mansion…

"How…true." Darkness nodded.

"Who knew such a hot lady could be so cruel." I shook my head.

"So you're not being compensated." Aqua nodded.

"I have to go, the next adventure calls." Megumin whispered.

"Wait how are we gonna kill the Demon King without Kazuma?!" Aqua panicked.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concern.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	12. Chapter 12: Trial

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Bold is for attacks**

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

So Kazuma got arrested because we teleported the core to some mansion and it wrecked the place…no one died though. Aqua wanted to break him out but I was pretty sure that would get us nowhere but fear not I had a plan to save his sorry butt.

"Don't say another word Kazuma your savior has arrived!" I thrust the doors into the interrogation room "Leave everything to me!"

"Uhh…I want a public defender." He told the woman.

"Shut up I've got this." I sat next to him and smiled at the woman "Now…what's your name beautiful."

"Haa…" she fixed her glasses.

The woman who arrested Kazuma, Senna, was tall, busty with long blue hair and glasses, she was sexy.

"You have no reason to keep Kazuma here, we have multiple people who have proven he was merely doing what he had to in order to save the town." I leaned on the table "Now stop wasting tax payer money and release him."

"These are his answeres to the truth detector questions." She threw a list at me.

"Hmm…hmm…" I nodded "Wow Kazuma you're a piece of human garbage."

"HEY!"

"But still he hasn't done anything wrong so let him go." I told her.

"Haven't you been arrested more than a dozen times for various lecherous crimes." Senna said "Why would I listen to you disgusting pervert."

"What did you just say?!" I yelled "I'll have you know I am a holy being, you're got a rot in hell talking to me like that you punk, I'll use my powers and make sure you die a wretched lonely old hag! You think you hate your job now oh just you wait when you have no ability to ever find a man then you'll hate your job!"

"Are you done?" she asked.

"Yeah I think so, see you Kazuma try not to die in jail, oh and don't lose the soap." I waved.

"What the hell was the point of this?!" he yelled when I slammed the door closed.

* * *

 **Later**

So a few days later they were gonna hold a trial to execute Kazuma…yep things somehow escalated way too fast, the whole fricken town came to watch this thing.

"Aqua should we do something?" I whispered.

"I don't know." She shrugged.

"He looks nervous." Megumin noted "We'll have to counter that prosecutor."

"More like prose-cute-or am I right?" I laughed.

No one laughed with me.

"Okay not the time for jokes got it." I sighed.

"That weird guy keeps looking at us." Aqua said.

"That's the Lord accusing Kazuma, Aldarp." Darkness explained.

"We will begin." The judge banged his gavel.

Basically they were charging Kazuma with trying to "subvert the state's power" how they got that from teleporting a deadly explosion that originated in a state sanctioned weapon beats me.

"Now for the first witness-."

"CHRIS!" I waved "You look amazing today! YOW!"

"Sit down." Aqua grabbed my nose.

Senna has Chris take the stand.

"So Chris, Kazuma used his Steal on you in a public place and removed your underwear correct?" she asked.

"Uhh well yes but it was just an-."

"I still have them!" I smiled reaching into my pocket.

"DIE!" Aqua kicked me.

"Haaa…." I let out a high squeak "So…painful."

"I saw it." A girl in the crowd said "That man swinging them around in the air."

"I am satisfied with establishing the evidence." Senna said.

"Wait don't we get to cross exam?" Aqua asked "how does this work again?"

"Beats me." I sat up.

Next was Mitsurugi since we had stolen his sword.

"Okay to be fair it was mine first and he stole it from me." I put my hand up "So I had total right to sell it back."

"End of questioning." Senna walked off.

"When do we get a turn?!" Aqua yelled.

After that was Mitsurugi's two hangers on, they both were still bitter so they totally threw Kazuma under the bus.

"Uhh I think we lost." I said.

"We never even went!" Aqua yelled.

"O-Objection!" Megumin yelled.

"What is she doing?" I asked Darkness.

"I…don't know." The girl frowned.

"All of this is inadmissible as evidence!" Megumin said "I demand legitimate basis for the accusation on terrorism!"

"Oh yeah!" Aqua cheered "What are you basing this on?"

"Well if your asking…" Senna fixed her glasses "First he damaged the town with a flood to defeat the Dullahan, Second he encouraged the use of Explosion Magic near town."

"Wait stop did we ever flood the town in this?" I asked "That feels like revisionist history I'm pretty sure I beat the Dullahan alone in this version of the story. And technically that second one is Megumin not Kazuma."

"Third!" she ignored me "He knows the skill Drain Touch, an undead spell. And despite claiming to have no relation with the Devil King's army the Detector rang."

 _Wiz…_

"It's all over!" Aqua cried.

"I don't work for the Devil King's army and I'm not a terrorist." Kazuma yelled.

"It's useless." Senna pointed.

"The Detector didn't go off." I pointed back "Which means he's saying the truth."

"Hmm…it would seem the basis for the accusation is no longer valid." The Judge said "Without a proper accusation."

"Ahem." Aldarp coughed "You're not trying to embarrass me now are you?"

"Oh come on!" Kazuma yelled "No fair!"

"I can just…kill him." I told Aqua "God's smite the unjust right."

"I'm not getting executed with him!" Aqua tackled me.

"That's enough." Darkness stepped out and dropped a chain.

"That's…a Dustiness Family Crest."

"They're famous." I said pushing Aqua off me.

"Darkness…" Aqua looked confused.

"I'm taking over this trail." Darkness said "It won't be canceled but we can prove Kazuma's innocent this way."

"I don't care how much power that family has." Aldarp said.

"I will owe you one." Darkness said "Anything you need."

That seemed to be all it took to swing the crowd back in our favor and we won…if you "Win" in a trail…well except for the personal debts we now had to pay back.

"You really shouldn't try and take that trunk." I told the man "It's not something you can touch."

"I'll show you-WAH!" he yelped as the trunk blasted him out the window.

"Good boy." I patted the chest "Now make sure not to let anyone take our things."

"HMM!" the chest grumbled.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	13. Chapter 13: Herrs' Trunk

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Just a short little fluff chapter.**

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

"It's not fair!" Megumin whined "Why'd I have to lose all my stuff and you get to keep yours!"

After they came to raid our house for all our valuables the others were left with nothing, and without Darkness here and Kazuma and Aqua out working in a dungeon I was left to babysit the Loli.

"Should have followed my lead and hid your things in a trunk." I laughed gesturing to the chest.

"How the hell would that help?" she huffed "They'd just take all my things at once, the only advantage there is that I don't have to suffer as long!"

"My trunk is full of all my old magic items that Aqua didn't pawn off to adventurers." I said "I make sure to keep that stuff well protected."

"This isn't just some plain old trunk is it." Megumin glared.

"Nope." I laughed "This is Trunk…my pet mimic."

"WAH!" Megumin hid behind me "T-That thing is really a mimic?!"

"Yeah you didn't know?" I asked knocking the chest on the head.

"HMMAA!" the chest opened.

"Let's see, there are the charm arrows, I'm sure you remember those." I laughed.

"Don't remind me." Megumin pouted.

"We've got Gram."

"I thought you sold that."

"Oh no I sold a fake copy." I laughed "This is the real one…actually I think that means Mitsurugi bought the fake…oh well."

"What's that thing?" Megumin pointed.

"Oh that's an old bottle of beautification potion."

"Gimme!" she yelled.

"It expired 500 years ago." I threw it out "I really should have cleaned this thing out a long time ago, sorry Trunk."

"MMM!" the chest hummed.

"Oh I remember this." I laughed looking at a shiny silver staff tipped with a large blue rose.

"What's that?"

"Staff of the River Rapids." I said "I was gonna give it to Aqua as a birthday present one year...oh well she'd just use it as a paperweight anyway."

"Katana that cuts shadows…. Pillowcase of infinite sweets…Antler of Rattling." Herrs hummed digging around the chest.

"You have a lot of useless junk." Megumin said flatly.

"Ah here's what I was looking for!" he yelled pulling out a hunk of a dark gem.

"What is that?" Megumin asked.

"What is that?" Herrs said in a mocking voice "Shut up and watch Loli."

I dug around the chest and pulled out a hammer and chisel before starting to slam them into the gem, changing the shape rapidly into a small little pebble shake, I pulled a hair off my head and used it like a string to bind some feathers too it.

"Done." I nodded before handing it to Megumin "Here."

"This is…" she looked up.

"They took the staff you had the charm I made on it right?" I said "You can put that on your old one."

"You…made a new charm for me." She looked up in awe "Thank you!"

"No problem, oh and leave all the stuff you saw alone, I don't need you using things you don't understand." I said.

"Right…wait Trunk is a Mimic right?" Megumin asked "Then…how come he like didn't attack me when I found the arrows in there a few weeks ago."

"Oh well that…" I laughed "Trunks a good pet but he and I don't agree on everything."

"What do you mean?" Megumin asked.

"Unlike me, he actually likes little flat chested girls." I shrugged.

"GROSS!" Megumin hid behind me "That chest is the devil, get rid of it!"

"I'm joking!" I laughed "He probably just recognized you from around the mansion and knew better."

"Oh…" Megumin sighed "I still don't think it's a good idea to have a Mimic living in our house."

"And that's why it's a secret." I smiled.

"It's not." Aqua leaned her head in to indicate she and Kazuma were back "Hello Trunk."

"HMM!" The chest hummed.

"Wait you knew?!"

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	14. Chapter 14: Yunyun

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Bold is for attacks**

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

With Darkness gone and most of everyone's stuff missing we had no choice but to start working from the ground up.

"CNYAA!" Megumin thrust a strange little creature in my face.

"What the hell is that?" I raised an eyebrow "Is that a cat?"

"Hmm." She nodded "She won't cause trouble so..."

"You wanna keep it?" Kazuma asked petting the creature.

"YAH!" Aqua tried to pet it only to be scratched at "Get rid of it!"

"Hey don't be mean." I said reaching out.

"HISS!" the cat creature scratched me.

"Get rid of it!" I yelled.

"That jet-black fur, that impotent attitude and malevolent aura." Aqua hissed "What do you call this hell demon."

"Chomusuke." Megumin said.

"What?"

"She's Chomusuke."

"Haa…" the older people in the room all sighed.

"Where is Satou Kazuma?!" That prosecutor woman barged into our harm.

"Hey come to see me." I smiled.

"I specifically asked for someone else." She glared at me.

"So mean." I pouted.

* * *

 **Later**

The government wanted us to keep paying off Kazuma's fine, so we had to hunt frogs for them, easy enough yet somehow Megumin and Aqua got nearly eaten again.

"Are you people always like this?" Senna asked.

"Yes." I shot a toad to free Megumin "Pretty much."

"B-But you defeated a Devil King General and beat the Destroyer."

"Luck I guess." I shrugged dragging the slimy girl off "Oh great there's more, I'm not able to shoot the female ones remember and Kazuma's took weak to make a dent with the move I taught him."

"So we're doomed?" Megumin asked.

"Maybe." I shrugged.

" **Light of Saber!"**

A bolt of lightning magic shot through the air and ripped apart the three remaining toads. I looked back at our savior and saw it was a young teen with short braided brown hair, her body was well developed for her age.

"Well thank you cutie." I smiled at her while dropping Megumin "Perhaps I'll take you out as reward."

"Hmm." She blushed a bit when I looked down at her visible cleavage "I wasn't trying to save you. It's just…if my rival had been eaten by a toad then I'd look ridiculous."

"Rival?" I lifted up the half passed out Megumin "You mean this Loli-Witch here?"

"Megumin!" the girl smiled "Today's the day we finally settle things!"

"You know this girl?" I asked before looking between the two.

"What?" Megumin glared.

"You don't look similar at all, you're a flat Loli and she's…buxom." I nodded.

"I'll kill you!" Megumin started kicking and flailing around making me drop her "Besides…I don't know her."

"HUH?!" the girl began to sob a bit "But-."

"You never even said your name." She huffed.

"F-Fine!" the girl yelped "It's embarrassing to do this in front of strangers but…"

The girl swirled her arms "My name is Yunyun, Arch Wizard and master of advanced magic. I who will one day lead the Crimson Demons-!"

"Anyway, this is Yunyun." Megumin told me "Daughter of the Village chief and my self-proclaimed rival."

"So, you did remember!" Yunyun pouted.

"Oh nice to know Megumin has such cute friends." I smiled under my hood "I'm Herrs, the object of Megumin's affection and hopefully yours too Yunyun!"

"Shut it weirdo." Megumin whacked me with her staff "He's just some dumb idiot I adventure with."

"Of course Megumin would have good companions." Yunyun nodded "It's fitting for my rival and once I defeat you I'll be first among the Crimson Demons! I challenge you to a duel!"

"It's too cold out I don't wanna." Megumin blinked.

"HUH?!" Yunyun gasped "But, you have to fight me!"

"Fine hand to hand combat." Megumin looked back.

"Umm but…you're all sticky." Yunyun gulped.

"Exactly, once I put you in a submission you'll be helpless." Megumin waved her hands stupidly.

"Y-you're just trying to make me nervous." Yunyun gulped.

"We're friends right." Megumin smiled "We should share in each other's suffering."

"Wow you're terrible." I shook my head as Megumin chased Yunyun around, slime dripping off her.

Poor Yunyun ran off in terror, I actually felt bad.

"You're so mean, I wanted to get to know her better." I pouted.

"Stay away from Yunyun." She glared at me "I mean it, she doesn't need some creep like you bothering her."

"Oh you do care." I laughed.

"Shut up." She pouted.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	15. Chapter 15: Matters of Love

_Italics indicate thinking_

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

"ACHOO!" Aqua sneezed.

"Oh are you catching a cold?" Kazuma asked her.

"You sound sick yourself." Aqua told him "I better fix this track suit for you."

"Stop acting like you're doing a good deed." I whacked her a bit "You tried to burn it."

We had no heat, we had almost no furniture or food…Kazuma's stupid fines had us in the poor house!

"Chomusuke…" Megumin held her cat.

"You know were barely had enough food for the four of us and you added that cat." I looked at the little creature that tried to bite my finger "At least Darkness isn't here or we'd really be screwed."

"Give it back!" Aqua started fighting Kazuma for her bottle "It's my last one!"

"I'm selling it for cash!" Kazuma told her.

"We need Darkness back." Megumin and I both sighed.

"We really should go check on her." I hummed "I miss her…upbeat personality."

"…die." Megumin glared at me.

The door into the main living area opened up and a gorgeous blonde in a tight dress that looked ready to pop her boobs ran in.

"It's terrible!" she yelled.

"…Who are you?" we all asked.

"HUH?!" The girl gasped with a bit of a moan.

"She liked it?" Kazuma observed.

"Save that kind of deranged play for later." The girl pouted.

"Wait…It's Darkness!" Kazuma suddenly realized.

"Hmm…" I looked intently.

"What are you doing?" Megumin asked.

"Examining her." I poked "Yep this firmness matches this is Darkness chest for sure."

"Knock it off!" Aqua smashed her bottle on me head "No my baby! You stupid thick headed moron."

"How is this my fault you can't control yourself!" I yelled as she punched my head.

"Darkness!" Aqua hugged the girl, shoving her face into the girls bust "It was terrible, Kazuma tried to strip me of my being and sell my most prized possession!"

"Wording!"

"Welcome back." Megumin walked over.

"Oh thank you." Darkness said "Is that a cat?"

"I won't pester you about what happened." Megumin said "You should take a bath and cleanse your body and soul."

"What are you talking about?" Darkness asked her.

"Hmm…"

"What are you doing Aqua?" Darkness asked at the Goddess rubbed her arm.

"No doubt this is a very expensive dress." She nodded.

"She's fine you're all getting worried over nothing." I told them.

"How would you know creep." Megumin lowered her hat.

"God of Love and such remember, I can see these types of things with my **Lover's Gaze.** " I said.

"I've changed my mind." Megumin said "Never look at me again ever, not even casually."

"Wait what did you all think happened to me?!" she yelled pulling out a paper "This is the problem!"

"Wow a handsome guy." Kazuma looked at the paper before ripping it "That pisses me off."

* * *

 **Later**

Darkness explained that the picture was of the Lord's son, in exchange for laying off on Kazuma he was demanding Darkness marry him.

"Isn't there something you could do?" she asked.

"Well technically since you worship Eris I can't." I told her.

"What why not?!" she asked.

"Technically you're not of my faith, if you were I could void any potential love that I found invalid and unsubstantiated." I told her "It's specifically to prevent things like this from happening, girls getting forced to marry creeps against their will. You practice Eris faith and not mine so…I can't help you."

"Wait aren't you and Eris sibling Gods." Megumin said "Doesn't that give you like…extra reach?"

"Well…yeah but…" I grumbled "I'd actually have to observe and prove the love is invalid, write a report, submit it and do a bunch of other junk I don't really want to do, it was way easier back in the day when I had cupid servants that could do the observing for me."

"So you can you're just too lazy to do it!" Megumin yelled.

"When you put it that way…" I mumbled "Look what's the point in me doing it for Darkness, if she really doesn't love this guy she'll be better off taking care of it herself rather than trying to take a shortcut with my powers."

"Lazy bum." Aqua said.

"Look here's an idea." I said "The government till needs us to work a few things off for them, Megumin and I will stay here and complete some of those jobs, Aqua and Kazuma can accompany Darkness back home and help her sort this whole thing out."

"That's…not actually that bad." Kazuma said.

* * *

 **Later**

"That went well." Megumin said as we opened the door to the quiet house.

"Yup, I wonder how the others are doing." I hummed walking into my rook "Trunk…where are the arrows I left on my desk?"

"HMM!" The Mimic frowned a bit.

"What's the matter?" Megumin asked.

"Kazuma…" I grumbled a bit "Just what do you think you're doing messing with things outside your control like that…you cheap bastard?"

"Umm hello?" Megumin asked.

"He stole one of my arrows." I looked in the mirror "He's planning on shooting darkness with it to make sure she falls in love with that Lord's handsome son and gets a reward."

"Wait that wasn't the plan!" Megumin yelled.

"Don't worry I can take care of it." I told her closing my eyes and lowering my hood "Hmm…there's gotta be one…yes."

"What are you doing?" Megumin asked.

"Stand back or you'll get hit." I told her "I haven't done one of these in ages…hope it works."

* * *

 **NO POV**

"You!" Herrs yelled pointing in the mirror "Your God calls to you, lend me your form!"

"WAH!" Megumin yelped as Herrs suddenly fell back with a loud thump "Herrs? Herrs?!"

"NEE!" Trunk stood up on lanky legs and drop Herrs on the bed before reaching into his body and pulling out a book, pointing to one page.

"Godly Possession?" Megumin read "A god or Goddess may take possession of a follow of significant faith to complete some tasks not accomplishable in their current godly form. It's short live and takes incredible magic but increases the physical abilities and skills of the possessed follower….if the technique is used with malicious intent may result in punishment from the high gods."

Meanwhile at Darkness home Kazuma was about to shoot an arrow but in mid flight a young maid dashed by and grabbed the arrow in midair snapped it to sticks

"Don't not interfere in matters governed by the gods." She said in a highly modulated tone "Consider this a warning Satou Kazuma."

And then she passed out.

"Ugh…" Herrs groaned in bed "I hate that…spell, I need a nap."

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Till Net Time!**


	16. Chapter 16: Visitor

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Bold is for attacks**

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

It was still going to take Kazuma, Aqua and Darkness another day or so to get back from their mini-trip and I was still exhausted from that possession so Megumin was the one going to the market for dinner, leaving me home alone.

"Hehehe…" I smirked standing outside Darkness' room.

"Opps." I pushed the door opened "The wind must have opened it…and now it's blowing me inside, right up to this dresser."

I smirked and got ready to open the drawer.

 _Here it comes…The promised location of Darkness clothes…_

I reached out and-

 ***DING DONG!***

"Dammit!" I groaned and started stomping out to the door, grumbling all the way "Who comes all the way out here at this time of day."

I opened the door and heard a small eep.

"Huh?" I looked at the nervous girl.

"H-Hello." Yunyun blushed a bit.

"Oh it's you." I blinked.

"Yes!" she nodded forcefully "I…is Megumin here?"

"Nah she's out shopping." I leaned on the door "She should be back in a bit if you want to come in and wait for a bit."

"Oh okay." She stepped inside.

I closed the door behind her and followed her into the room.

 _I guess my excursion into the paradise of Darkness' underwear drawer will have to work._

"Umm…there's not much here." Yunyun looked around "Ha! Megumin's living in poverty!"

"Not really." I sighed a bit "We're just going through a rough patch, it's not really her fault though."

"Oh." She looked at the couch and sat down.

"It's nice to see someone looking out for Megumin though." I told her "A kid her age running around alone without anyone, she's lucky that she ended up with us and not someone worse."

"It's not like I really care about Megumin, it's just…she's my rival so I need to be sure she's getting better too." Yunyun pouted a bit "That and if I'm gonna be the leader of the Crimson Demons someday I need to make sure all of us are making a good name for us."

"Sure." I laughed "So you're from that place too?"

"Yes." She nodded as I sat next to her "Though I haven't been home in a bit."

"I haven't been home in sometime either." I said slipping my arm around the back of the couch.

"Umm…what are you doing?" she looked up at me, her face looking nervous.

"What…nothing." I laughed "Just making sure you were comfortable."

"Oh…okay." She blushed "Thank you?"

"Say Yunyun." I smiled a bit "Do you worship any Gods, I know a lot of girls your age usually pray to the Love God to find a boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?!" she gasped "Why would I be worried about something like that?!"

"I'm sure you've got plenty of guys begging you to go out with them." I said giving her the eyes "Here, I'll even give you this."

I handed her a little medal necklace like thing.

"What is it?" she asked.

"They're medallion pendants from the Church of the Love God." I said "They say if you where it he'll look over you and make sure you find you're fated beloved."

"Beloved?!" she gasped "um well I-."

"OW!" I was suddenly pelted with a carrot "What the hell?!

"Don't take weird stuff from him." Megumin told Yunyun "It'll probably poison your mind and make you strip for him."

"WHAT?!" Yunyun suddenly clammed up and got very defensive.

"Spoiling everything as always you stupid Loli-Witch." I glared "And you're wrong by the way it really is just a normal medallion."

"You say the same thing about half the junk that comes out of your room." Megumin whacked me with her bag again "I shopped, now go make dinner."

"Fine, fine." I groaned.

I went into the kitchen, in the background I could hear Megumin bickering and picking on Yunyun about coming to check on her out of the blue.

"Loli." I leaned in "Is your not-so-little friend joining us for dinner?"

"I mean…if you're offering." Yunyun said.

"Fine, you can feed her." Megumin blinked "But she gets the smallest serving."

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Back to more story stuff next chapter!**

 **Till Next Time!**


	17. Chapter 17: Vanir

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Bold is for attacks**

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

"Satou Kazuma!" Senna stormed into our house.

"Yes hello you can come in." I sighed "Thanks for knocking."

"You are all still working off Kazuma's debts, I can come as I please." She told me.

"Come into my room sometime why don't ya." I smiled.

"No." she glared.

"Scary!" I hid behind Aqua.

"We tracked the source of the monsters showing up around town." Senna explained "They're coming from Keele Dungeon you went to the other day!"

"Oh you two went there when Megumin and I were sitting out the other day." I looked at Aqua "What did you two break?"

"I didn't so anything!" she pouted "She's just looking to blame us! If anything there should be fewer monsters."

I looked at her "You did something, I know you did."

"I put up a magic circle to get rid of a lich." She told me.

"My dear Aqua." I smiled "You're so lovably stupid."

"HEY!"

"If you don't take that circle down nothing will be able to hide in the dungeon and will hide in the town instead!" Kazuma snapped.

"This is our fault!" I groaned.

* * *

 **Later**

"It's not my fault, I mean it." Aqua sniffled behind me "It's not!"

"Stop crying." I sighed "My ears are ringing."

We were heading to the ruins, our fault directly or not we needed to make sure the monsters wouldn't come into town.

"What are those things?" Megumin asked as we looked over the dungeon ruins, small little masked imp creatures marching out.

"I've never seen one before." I looked at them "They're ugly as hell though."

"It would seem someone is summoning those creatures." Senna told us "So please go defeat the spell caster and place this tag on the summoning circle to disable it."

"Something about those masks disgusts me on a personal level." Aqua shivered as one of the dolls walked up and hugged her leg "Huh? What's it want? Herrs help!"

"I don't know." I shrugged "Just shake it off or something."

"The mask is still annoying, but something about it is kinda cute." She smiled as the little creature glowed.

"Uhh…Aqua." I stepped back.

"What?"

 ***BOOM!***

The doll sized monster suddenly exploded in a flash of fire and smoke.

"GAH!" Aqua coughed laying in the dirt.

"Oh right they explode when they grab you." Senna said.

"Tell us that beforehand!" I yelled "You may have the sexy smart look going but you're an idiot sometimes!"

"Hmm." Darkness walked forward and let one of the monsters blow up on her "It's fine, I'll lead the way, Kazuma follow me."

"My explosion won't work inside so I'll stay out here." Megumin said.

"Alright, come on Aqua let's go." Kazuma sighed.

"No more dungeons!" she hid behind me "I'll be left behind…scary…dungeons."

"Haa…what the hell happened last time?" I sighed bit "I'll babysit these two, you and Darkness go on ahead."

* * *

 **Later**

The two girls and I sat outside the dungeon for a while waiting for Kazuma and Darkness to get back.

"Hmm?" Aqua looked up "I hear something… **Sacred Exorcism!"**

Without much warning Aqua fired off a spell at the entrance to the dungeon, catching Darkness as she walked out.

"RAAAHH!" the girl's body cried in a muffled tone.

"Hey don't just blast someone with magic out of the blue!" Kazuma yelled running out behind her.

"Hmm, that shouldn't have worked on Darkness as she normally is." I stood up "Something's up."

"What I felt an evil presence so I took a shot." Aqua shrugged.

"Good shot Aqua." I took my bow out "For once your lack of thinking paid off. Darkness is possessed."

"How do you know that?" she asked.

"Well first of all the Exorcism worked." I said "And second Darkness would never cover up her cute blushing face with that creepy mask."

"One of the Demon King's commanders took over her body." Kazuma yelled.

"Another one!" I looked up "Quick let's kill it and weaken another layer of the barrier!"

"No wonder I smelled nasty demons." Aqua huffed covering her nose "Quick Herrs kill it."

"I will." I got an arrow "Uhh just one problem?"

"What?!" Aqua snapped "If it's in Darkness body I can't shoot it, my arrows don't work on females."

"Hurry up and kill it, Darkness is all stinky like a demon." She said.

"I suppose I should introduce myself to the priest who shares a name with the obnoxious water goddess." The mask spoke through Darkness.

"Hey I'm not obnoxious!" Aqua pouted.

"I AM-."

"Aqua I don't think I'm what stinks." Darkness cut back in.

"I AM V-" the mask started again.

"Kazuma come smell me, I don't stink." Darkness whined.

"Would you shut up for two seconds!" the mask snapped "Good…right then, I am Vanir! To attack with that type of magic on sight, this is why people hate the Axis Cult! Have you no etiquette!"

"A demon talking about etiquette." Aqua snickered "How silly, come on Herrs kill that glorified parasite already."

"I told you I can't, you do it." I sighed.

" **Sacred Holy Exorcism!"** She tried to blast the mask only for Darkness to roll out of the way.

"Hey watch it!" Kazuma yelled "You almost hit me!"

"It wouldn't have done anything." I told him.

"Hey Darkness don't dodge!" Aqua pouted "Sit Still!"

"It's easy for you to say!" Darkness complained.

"I want a mask too!" Megumin finally spoke up.

"NO!" we all yelled.

"If he possesses you and gets access to Explosion magic who knows what'll happen." I told her "Especially since the mask will give him the mana he needs to cast it a bunch."

"The Mask is his body anyway!" Kazuma said.

"Well then find a way to separate it from Darkness!" I climbed a pillar "Then I can shoot it and kill him with a Holy Arrow!"

Of course it figured that now that Darkness body was possessed by someone who knew what they were doing she was unstoppable, able to hit anything and dodge with ease.

"Where's this stuff when we need it!" I yelled.

"WAHH!" Aqua backed up "Help, she's gonna get me!"

"Quit crying!" I growled.

"Herrs help!" she whined "Kazuma Help!"

"Darkness knock it off!" Megumin whined.

"How do you possibly plan to remove the seal." The mask said "I've amplified this body to such an extent you can't leave a scratch."

"It's true I don't feel like anyone could stop me." Darkness nodded "Try and overpower me if you dare!"

"Who's side are you on!" I yelled.

"Stop stealing my cool lines!" Vanir whined.

"Oh I know this is a distraction so Kazuma can use Steal!" Darkness yelled.

"Excellent point!" The Mask remembered lifting the sword at Aqua "Let's make sure he doesn't try anything!"

"Aqua!"

"WAAH!" The goddess yelled.

"HMPH!" I shot an arrow into the ground **"Switch!"**

I suddenly swapped placed with the arrow.

"GAH!" I hissed as the sword hit my shoulder.

"HERRS!" Aqua gasped.

* * *

 **NO POV**

"What!" Darkness seemed to snap back to reality for a moment "What have I-."

"GRRAA!" Herrs eyes glowed and he grabbed her face **"YOU WILL OBEY!"**

"AAAHH!" Both Darkness and the mask screamed.

He stuck my foot out and pushed on Darkness chest for leverage, forcefully ripping the mask off her face.

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" Vanir begged.

"You fool." Herrs growled "You have incurred my holy wrath!"

" **Binding Arrow!"**

The first arrow summoned chains to pin the mask down.

Herrs pulled back another arrow, this time the drawstring was pulled back to nearly breaking.

" **Angel Wing Rain!"**

The single arrow flew into the air, the dark sky suddenly lit up with stars. The stars drew closer and closer until they grew larger and it became clear that they were not stars but arrows, enough to fill the sky. All of them plummeting down to break apart the mask into fragments, and those fragments into fragments, and those fragments into fragments of fragments, and those fragments of fragments into fragments of fragments of fragments and those fragments of fragments of fragments into fragments of fragments' fragments' fragments and-well you get the idea.

By the time the arrows stopped Vanir's mask was nothing more than dust particles in the wind.

"So cool!" Megumin cheered "It was like a super explosion! I knew Herrs was strong but that was insane! How come he's not that awesome all the time?"

"Hmph." Aqua smirked "Herrs needs motivation to bother trying, when he's trying he's one of the strongest godly warriors."

"Wait…" Megumin blinked "J-Just how strong is he, this is even more power than that last Demon Lord General he defeated."

"Oh…" Aqua tapped her cheek "He's been expelled for so long…I'm surprised he didn't bother defeating the Demon Lord at some point."

"Holy Crap he's insane!" Megumin yelled.

"ACK!" Herrs suddenly coughed and fell back "Shit…"

"HERRS!"

* * *

 **Later**

 **Herrs' POV**

"ha…" I took a few deep breaths and sat up.

"You're not dead." Aqua looked at me from the door "I thought that one might have done it this time."

I just tried to ignore her.

She walked over "You're an idiot…but thanks."

I ignored her again.

"No use sitting around." I finally spoke up "There's still more generals left."

"You can't kill them all like this." She said in a serious tone "If you keep letting them make you go all out with spells like that you're gonna-."

"I'm gonna nothing." I told her before feeling a fit of exhaustion over me "Besides don't pity me…this is your fault after all."

"Hmm…" she frowned.

"Sorry that was mean." I shook my head "I know I haven't been back to heaven in a long time, I conserved my Godly power for a long time, it just happens to be that I've had to use more lately than the last few decades. It takes longer to recharge here, I just need some more time to relax."

"Fine…just hold back a bit." She hugged me from behind "I don't want you to…get killed or something. Just this last week you did a possession, a command and your arrow rain, that's too much even if you were still able to recharge your powers with a direct godly link. Just…be careful."

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	18. Chapter 18: Kotatsu

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Bold is for attacks**

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

"I don't wanna it's cold out!" Aqua screamed "Why would you want to go outside!"

"I have to cast Explosion outside." Megumin told her.

"Monsters will wake up from hibernation!" Darkness hummed "Which means work for adventurers."

"I'm getting cabin fever, I wanna go outside." I sighed "Maybe there will be girls around."

"You all just want to go play outside like kids!" Aqua yelled "Just go without me!"

"You're the one acting like a kid!" Darkness said.

"You're gonna end up a weird shut in like Kazuma." I told her.

"Good point, I don't wanna end up like that." She blinked "Still why didn't you ask that loser?"

"Who are you calling a loser?" Kazuma said hiding under a Kotatsu.

"If you have a problem why don't you get you from under there first." Aqua said.

"HMPH!" Kazuma slipped his head under "No."

"We're all very impressed with your furniture from home Kazuma." Megumin said "But we have to get back to work."

"Come on let's go." Darkness lifted the blanked.

" **FREEZE!"** Kazuma zapped her with ice.

"AHHA!" Darkness grabbed the back of her neck "HMM!"

"He actually attacked!" I gasped.

"Kazuma stop making a fuss and-AHH!" Megumin yelled as his hand shot out and drained her.

"Hmph." Kazuma snarled "I could take on anyone."

"Can you take on the bathroom in there?" I looked down "Because you haven't gone all day."

"I'll just have them carry the Kotatsu to the bathroom." He smirked.

"Let's take it outside." Megumin told Darkness.

"Good idea." Darkness lifted her end up "Aqua open the window."

"Wait stop!" Kazuma yelled.

"HMPH!" The two threw him outside.

* * *

 **Later**

"I miss the sofa." Aqua shivered.

"Why are we taking this street?" Darkness asked.

"The faster way to the guild was to turn two streets ago." Megumin said.

"If you're leading us in circles to get out of work I'll make you pay." I told him.

"I wasn't resting under there for fun." He smirked walking up to a blacksmith "I was waiting my time. Is it ready, my katana?"

"You spent money on a sword you didn't need!" I yelled as he picked up the sword "We just spent weeks paying off your debts to the government and now you go and buy junk you can't use?!"

"I was due for a gear upgrade." He huffed.

"Oh your plate armor is done too." The blacksmith said.

"How much shit did you order?!" I yelled as he tried it on.

"Well it does look shiny." Aqua said.

"Even most crusaders can't equip armor like this." Darkness told him.

"Do a cool pose!" Aqua cheered.

"HMPH!" Kazuma shook in place.

"It's too heavy isn't it." I smirked pulling him out the back "This is why you don't spend money on crap you don't need!"

"I still have the sword!" he went to leave only to get stuck in the doorframe.

"It's too long on his back." Darkness blinked.

"What a waste of time." I sighed a bit "I'm going to the guild."

"Wait for me!" Aqua yelled.

"I don't want to watch this anymore." Darkness followed.

"Are you coming Kazuma?" Megumin asked.

* * *

 **Later**

We went to the guild and once there Aqua and Darkness picked out a quest to deal with some Lizard Runners trampling over farms.

"I can't target the Princess." I said as the beasts ran at us "So…yeah."

"Leave it to me." Megumin held her staff out **"EXPLOSION!...Huh?**

"GAH!" she ran around in a circle "My Magic Power I don't have enough! This is because Kazuma drained me this morning!"

"Way to go dumbass!" I grabbed Aqua and Megumin and ran behind the tree "Hurry up and fix this."

Kazuma was able to shoot the head runner…and then he fell out of the tree he was in.

"Dumbass." I sighed poking him with a stick "Hey Aqua…I think he's dead."

"Healing Magic!" Megumin panicked "We need healing magic!"

"Can't we just leave him to die." Aqua groaned a bit "I don't wanna."

"Good idea, much less hassle." I nodded.

"Meet Eris-sama on the other side." Darkness bowed."

"Wait…he'd meet Eris…" I snapped back to reality "Aqua revive him now before he does terrible perverted things to my beloved sister!"

"Fine…Resurrection!" She made her hands glow "Kazuma come back and stuff."

"Tsk…I'll come back later." He said from the other side "I want to spend time with Eris."

"HMM!" I glared at his body "get back here so I can kill you myself. Don't you dare violate my sister's ears with your disgusting voice. Eris is he hurting you, don't worry your big brother's right here, come visit and let me give you a big warm hug. Kazuma get your ass back here right now or…I'll cut it off."

"Leave my body alone!" he yelled.

"Stay away from my sister." I growled.

"Send me back! Send me back!" he yelled.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Done with that relatively uneventful transition stuff, on to the Spa Trip next!**

 **Till Next Time!**


	19. Chapter 19: Taking a Trip

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Bold is for attacks**

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

"What's happening?" Megumin hid behind me "Do something."

Aqua was serving Kazuma tea, both of them disturbingly calm and happy.

"Are they sick?" Megumin shivered "I'm scared."

"Hmm…" Kazuma sipped "This is just hot water…"

"Oh how silly of me." Aqua smiled.

"Did you perhaps purify the tea?" he asked her "In that case we need to simply remake the tea."

"Did they get into something inside Trunk while we were out?" I wondered "I don't think I have something that makes people act like rich assholes…"

"Hmm." Darkness waved us over "You see…what happened was that Vanir came buy and paid a fortune for the rights to that table thing from Kazuma's homeland."

 _He sold junk from Japan!_

"And they've been like that since." She sighed a bit.

"That explains the bad attitudes." I said.

"But it's nice to have money now." Megumin smiled "Anyway do you want to go on a Kill Quest?"

"Why bother working when on the verge of fortune." Kazuma smiled "I mean I put together good gear, came up with a great plan…and I still died, I decided I'm a business man from now on."

"That might actually be a problem." Aqua smiled "Unless you defeat the Demon King I'll be full of issues."

"In that case we make a ton and hire some adventurers to do it!" he yelled.

"That doesn't help me prove my way back to heaven at all!" I snapped.

"It'd be no fun without an epic battle!" Megumin whined "Come on Darkness say something!"

"I mean…he's so pathetic." She blushed "I can't help but wonder what kind of scumbag he'll become."

"HERRS WHAT DO WE DO!" Megumin cried.

"I've got nothing." I shrugged "To be fair Kazuma did break his neck the other day so…"

"That's it!" she yelled "Let's treat the injury!"

"What are you going on about?" I asked.

"Let's to the city of Water and Hot Springs, Arcanretia!"

"Not a bad idea." I smiled at her "Aqua want to go to the City of Water!"

"YAY!" she cheered snapping back to life.

* * *

 **A Day or so later**

We made plans to head to the hot spring town via wagon, unfortunately Aqua sent Kazuma to reserve seats and he got side tracked.

"Way to go all the good wagons are taken!" Aqua whined "What why is Wiz on your back."

"Apparently she's not feeling well so a trip to the hot springs would be good for her and give Vanir a chance to renovate the store while she gone." He explained.

"Kazuma switch with me." I panted.

"What, why?"

"If I carry Wiz on my back." I smiled "I get to feel those glorious breasts on my shoulders…it'd be heavenly."

"Knock it off!" Aqua clocked me.

We ended up finding a carriage that wasn't booked yet and after arguing over seats headed on out. I spent most of the trip napping, after all there's only so much empty wasteland and fields you can look at before losing your mind.

"Chomusuke…" I looked at the little creature as it batted Wiz's chest around "Man I wish I was you right now!"

"Nya…" it blinked at me.

"No use staring…best sleep." I closed my eyes

 _Besides I don't want to burn myself out now…once we get to Arcanretia there'll be tons of naked girls all over!_

"We have tto protect the wagon." I heard Kazuma said "Those things want Darkness' armor."

"Maybe she should just take it off then" I suggested.

"Hey Herrs just shot them all and take them out." Aqua said.

"I'm still recovering from my fight with Vanir." I told her as I went back to sleep "You'll have to handle it, Wiz and I will watch the wagon, you guys can manage the rest."

I was right, they handled it just fine and soon we were back hitting the trail.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	20. Chapter 20: Arcanretia

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Bold is for attacks**

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

It took a little more traveling than I expected but before long we arrived in Arcanretia, it was still as beautiful as I remembered, so much deep blue spring water flowing through town, all the stone bridges and architecture was so godly…it was hard to believe this was Aqua's patron town.

"Oh wait I remember why I hate this place now." I groaned when we were immediately hounded by members of the church "All the people here are nutjobs."

"Don't say things like that about them!" Aqua whimpered "These are my followers."

"Explains why they're so weird." I scoffed.

"Hmph." She grumbled.

"Just ignore them." I told the others "They'll leave you alone eventually, we're not buying anything or signing up for anything so buzz off…oh except for you you're cute."

"GRR!" Aqua grabbed my face "Let's go then if you want to leave so bad!"

"Geez." I groaned "Whatever we should do something about Wiz, she'd looking pale…paler than usual for a Lich I mean."

"Well I'm going to be fawned over for being an Arch-Priest." Aqua cheered running off "Come on Megumin."

"I'm going for a walk." I told Kazuma "You and Darkness take care of Wiz or something, and when I say take care I mean heal her don't do anything creepy, that's my job."

"What did you just say?" Darkness asked.

"Nothing." I smiled walking into town.

I wandered around the town square for a bit before stopping to look at a statue.

"That's supposed to be Aqua?" I raised my eyebrow "What a joke, the nose is too big, Aqua is way prettier than that. And what the hell is that?!"

There was another statue of a very handsome man.

"Is that supposed to be me, the face is all wrong, they've got my eyes so far apart it's hideous!" I growled "Why'd I ever let these ingrates worship me in the first place!"

"WAH!" a girl behind me fell and dropped some apples.

She was very cute, short white yellow hair, flowers decorating her locks and such nice tanned skin.

"Oh my are you okay." I smiled "Let me help you, are you hurt I'd hate seeing any cuts on that beautiful skin you have."

"Thank you so much." She said as I helped her up "Umm…"

"Yes, what can I do for a beautiful girl like you?" I asked running my thumb on the back of her hand.

"Is there some way I could thank you?" she blushed.

"Heh…Heh…." I smiled "I can think of a few ways."

"Hmm…" she took my hands "There's a café run by the Axis Church just up ahead , why don't we go there and chat."

"Great." I sighed "You're one of them…never mind."

"Wait we can chat and-."

"Eris was way cuter than you." I held my hand up.

"Ptoo." She spit on my shoe.

"Yeah I expected that." I sighed.

 _As much as it kills me to see them spit on my darling little sister's name it works great at getting them to leave me alone._

"Herrs is a much cooler got than Aqua anyway!" I yelled.

"Tsk." The whole crowd hissed.

"That pervert God." "I heard he raped a whole village." "Are there still people who worship that creeper."

"You'll all be smitten one day you here me!"

"Another one screaming about the end times." A cop started to drag me off.

"This is what they get for worshipping dark gods like Eris and Herrs." Another said.

"We really should take down that statue, or at least replace it with something uglier." The first said.

"Let me go!" I yelled "I hate this fricken town!"

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **So we're in Arcanretia, on to the last little bit of Season 2!**

 **Till Next Time!**


	21. Chapter 21: Baths

_Italics indicate thinking_

 **Bold is for attacks**

* * *

 **Herrs POV**

I had quickly grown sick of this hot spring town, if everyone wasn't obsessed with Aqua I probably wouldn't care but jeez it was a pain.

"Wiz already took her bath! Ugh this sucks I totally wanted to check her out. It's fine though!" I cheered heading towards the baths "There's still plenty of girls to look at!"

I went into the one side of the baths and I sank into the water, there were two other people in there a middle age gruff dude and an attractive red-haired woman with large breasts and wide hips, she was sexy but something about her…

 _She's not a human…_

"Umm excuse me but being stared at like this is kind of embarrassing." She blushed.

 _So cute_

"Don't mind me." I looked her over and fixed the steaming towel I had over my head "It's a mixed bath after all."

"R-Right." She stood up and half covered herself with her towel to hurry out.

 _Something is going on in this place."_

"Hmm." I turned around and looked at her butt.

 _NICE!_

I looked at the guy, he got up to leave too and seemed agitated by the town as well. I know had the bath to myself and was enjoying things for a bit, Kazuma was trying not to by "Holy soap" from some convert outside.

"Megumin don't swim in the bath!"

"Don't touch there?!"

"No need to be embarrassed."

"Hmm…" I nodded "My honor as a true pervert rests on this, I must peep."

I got up, walked to the divider and looked over, passed all the steam and the heat I was able to see Darkness and her awesome orbs of Darkness…oh and Megumin was there too.

 _The way they float…they look so buoyant and soft._

"I can totally see you." Megumin snapped throwing a rock at me.

"OW!" I fell back.

 _Ehh…it was worth it._

* * *

 **Later**

"What are you crying about?" I asked Aqua when I got back to the room.

"They kicked me out, all I did was go in the baths!" she cried into Wiz lap.

"Please, your tears sting." The Lich hissed.

"Herrs go punish them! Divine Punishment!" she yelled.

"You're their Goddess you do it." I told her flatly "Sides you probably purified their spring into plain old water, they'll lose business now…still there's another problem."

"Hmm?"

"The Army of Evil is here for sure." I told her "There was one in the bath with me, a sexy one big boobs."

"Their out there trying to destroy it because they know this is my town!" Aqua yelled.

"I doubt that's it but we'll have to do something about it." I told her "This bring us one step closer to taking down the Demon King's army, killing the Demon King and being free."

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Just a Quick update, the end of season 2 will be next chapter.**

 **Till Next Time!**


	22. Chapter 22: Slime

_Italics indicate thinking_

* * *

 **Herrs' POV**

"Well…this is a development." I looked out the window and saw an angry mob looking for Aqua.

"What did you do?!" I yelled at her.

"It's not my fault!" she jumped out the window.

 _It definitely her fault._

I quickly tracked Aqua down on the outside of town, a mob still looking for her.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I think the water source is the problem." She explained "If I can purify the hot springs everything will return to normal."

"There she is!" the mob yelled.

"Come on." I grabbed her hand and pulled her along "They don't seem to like you, why bother saving them, we should just strike them down!"

"They're faithful to me, I have to help them!" she whined.

Aqua went to the mountain outside of town where the main spring source was.

"Let me in, I'm an Axis Church Arch Priest, see it says so on my Adventurer card." She showed the gate keepers.

"The overseer said not to let anyone in, no buts." They told her.

"You should do this, it's the right thing to do." Aqua told them with a small smile "Letting us through will allow this town to-."

"Oh we're Eris' Faithful." They said.

"WHAT?!" Aqua threw a fit "Seriously I'm just trying to help the town! You know you two are kinda cute, you have a profile like a red dragon."

"Are you saying I look like a lizard?" the man growled.

"If you don't let me in…I'll tell the Axis church you're followers of Eris." Aqua glared "And that you said terrible things about their faith."

"Why would you do that?!"

"Those cultists are a pain to deal with." They groaned "Wait that hair…are you the one that replaced the hot spring water with plain hot water?"

 _She purified it…_

"Alright Darkness." I told the girl "Make yourself useful."

"Look, you're in the presence of a Lady of the Dustiness Family!" Megumin said "Dustiness Ford Lalatina!"

"Yay." I soft clapped "Now show them your pendant."

"Yeah Darkness show them!" Aqua pulled on her.

Given Darkness unfair strength it took four of us to hold her down.

"Wiz hurry up and help, get the pendant!" Megumin yelled.

"I'm sorry!" Wiz ran over to help.

"Unhand me!" Darkness yelled "My family does not just wield its authority so wildly-HAA!"

We managed to pry the pendant to her and Aqua used it to get the guards to let us pass.

"HMPH!" Darkness pouted as we walked along the cliff's edge.

"Cut it out." Kazuma told her "Do you want to be treated as a noble or a member of the team, make up your mind."

"Shut up you're younger than me, how dare you treat me like that!" Darkness pouted.

"I treat you like that because you're my friend." He told her.

"W-Well." She pouted and blushed.

"Wow you're easy to fool." I rolled my eyes and kept walking.

We walked a little more and came to another hot spring, one they pumped water out of, but they were also pumping some black stuff into it too.

"See it's poison like I said!" Aqua yelled.

"If this is an indication the main source might already be contaminated." Megumin noted.

"Then lets hurry!" Aqua said.

We followed the main pipe up the mountain towards the peak, steam poured out of the springs as the hot water bubbled softly.

"There's someone there." Kazuma said.

There was a plain looking guy standing near the edge of the source spring.

"He's the guy we saw throw that detergent in the lake." Aqua pointed out.

"I think he said he felt violated by Axis." Kazuma added.

The guy looked like he was gonna fall in but instead just placed a hand in the water, an inky purple color spreading out from his hand.

"Alright then, that's what this is." I blinked as the others walked over to him.

"Are you…sightseeing?" he asked.

"I feel like I've seen you before?" Wiz hummed thinking hard.

"Try not to hurt yourself beautiful." I smiled.

"I've never seen you so you've never seen me!" he said.

 _They totally know each other._

"Oh!" Wiz clapped "Hans!"

"I don't know who that is, I'm just a simple overseer." He told her.

"It's me Wiz!" she smiled "Wiz the Lich!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said.

"You're the poison slime mutant, right?" Wiz asked "Wait…are you the one poisoning the water source?"

"A slime!" Darkness gasped.

"Why are you ignoring me?" Wiz pouted "Remember back at the Demon King's castle."

"I have important business in town!" the man shook Wiz off and walked away.

"Hmm." I reached back for my arrows "You can't fool me, you're wearing a skin suit slime, a simple hot spring overseer doesn't have that level of magic power."

 _It's been a long time since I fought one of these._

"GRR!" the man growled "Why are you even here shouldn't you be running a store or something?! Stop slacking and work!"

"I work very hard!" Wiz huffed "Though I seem to have less money than ever."

"This long project, done as quietly as possible." Hans mumbled "Wiz isn't your deal that you don't get in anyone's way and just maintain the barrier? You're not supposed to oppose us or help us. So why are you getting in my way?"

"I'm not getting in the way I was just being nice and saying hello!" the lich said.

"That is getting in my way!"

"All my suffering is because of you." Aqua cracked her knuckles "Prepare to pay!"

"Can't we just talk about this?!" Wiz asked.

"You're spineless, you used to be so much more fearsome when you opposed us." Hans told her.

"I don't care if you do or don't know Wiz." I notched an arrow "I'm getting rid of you. I am the God Herrs, I have slain two demon generals, you will be the third."

"I see." Hans looked up "All who know my true identity up to this point have obeyed me and begged for mercy, though I can't expect the same from a god."

"Normally I wouldn't bother getting so worked up over an annoying slime that doesn't know his place but…" I looked up at him with a glare from under my hood "This town is all Aqua has, I'm not letting you take it from her."

"Hans is very powerful." Wiz warned "Be careful."

"By the way." I looked up at Hans "Where's the real overseer?"

"I ate him." Hans blinked "I'm a slime, I consume things it's kinda what we do."

There was suddenly a spike in magic pressure behind me.

"Wiz?"

" **Crystal Prison!"** she cast a high level frost spell in an instant, leaving a pillar of ice that entrapped one of Hans arms.

"What the-?"

"As part of my neutrality was that you all would not kill non-combatants." Wiz looked up darkly "Adventurers may lose their lives in battle, it is part of their work as they also kill monsters. However, the old man working here did nothing wrong!"

 _She really is scary strong, I see now why the Gods haven't hunted down a Lich like her I had heard stories of Wiz the unparalleled Ice Witch but I never would have thought it was this Wiz. She's a living legend._

"HRAA!" Hans broke his own arm off and let his slime core leak out of his body, growing exponentially in size "I'll devour you!"

The ground hissed as the slime slinked over it, proving that it was of an extreme poison variety.

"What a splendid slime!" Darkness moaned looking at the beast "If it weren't poison I'd make it my pet!"

"RAAAH!" the slime popped a bit, spraying out toxic goo.

"NO!" Aqua ran at the lake "Stop! **Purification!"**

Aqua started using her magic to try and stop the poison bleeding into the lake.

"HMPH!" I shot an arrow but had it fizzle and melt away.

"It's no use…fine." I pulled my hood down **"Holy Wrath!"**

My bow glowed bright yellow with light as I started pulling back faster and faster.

" **Sacred Arrow Rain!"**

I broke apart some parts of the slime to see the core.

"There it is!" I smiled "Aqua quit playing around and hurry up so I can do this before my timer runs out. I borrowing some of your power, don't tell the higher ups!"

"Huh?" she looked back.

"HMPH!" I held up an arrow "Wiz I gonna break him apart, freeze and burn!"

"O-Okay!" she nodded.

"STAND BACK!" I held my bow arm up, the weapon growing in size "This might get bright!"

Part of the bow extended and thickened, wings growing from the tips as the light built up.

"Burn in my radiance!" I yelled shooting a arrow straight up **"PURIFICATION GOD'S WRATH!"**

The arrow burst open and an immense burning beam of light blasted down from heaven and incinerated half the slime.

" **FREEZE!"** Wiz then froze the rest.

"Shatter!" I spun around and let off another holy shot to break apart the ice.

"HMPH!" I fell to a knee as the ice dusted the earth around us.

 _Shit that was only the third general, I can't keep using my powers like this or I won't have any left to fight the Demon King and reclaim my true godhood._

"Ha…ha…can we go home now?" I asked.

* * *

 **AN**

 **Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.**

 **Well the anime is done, guess we'll move to the light novels now.**

 **Till Next Time!**


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